Hi. First time posting here, please forgive me if this isn't the right place to post.
I'm looking for some advice regarding talking to my children. My partner and I split a number of years ago and we have several children together (under 10) - they still see their Dad twice a month. Last year my ex informed me that his mother was unwell and doctors had found a tumour on her brain. She underwent surgery and several rounds of chemo and seemed to be improving. She asked that we did not disclose any of what was going on with the children (which we respected). However, before Christmas she became unwell again and it was found out that another tumour had grown. They diagnosed her with stage 4 wild type Glioblastoma. Her consultant informed them that they would not be doing any further treatment, it would be a case of making her comfortable at home.
At this point, my ex and I decided that it was important to talk to the children about everything. They currently know that she has cancer but we have not yet explained that it is terminal. I feel it's important to try and help them prepare for what the next chapter could look like and ensure they have as much support around them as possible. The childrens school have been an amazing support so far with arranging elsa sessions and providing me with information on local support.
I'm just waiting to arrange a time with my ex, for when he is available to sit down and talk with the children with me about her diagnosis. I find myself stuck in a catch 22 - I don't want to feel like I'm pestering my ex at a time when he is dealing with so much, but I also don't want to continue keeping things from the children. It's so difficult trying to keep the communication open between the two of us, especially as it wasn't the best to begin with.
I've done lots of searching on the Internet for advice/resources but so much of it is aimed at couples that are together or those whom still have a relationship with their existing family. I've tried looking for books that can help with talking to my children but I'm struggling. A lot of books are aimed at quite young children (5 and under) but I'm looking for things for between ages 7 and 10.
If anyone has any advice, suggestions or resources they would be truly appreciated. I apologise for the long post, and sorry if this isn't the best place to post it.
Thankyou
Hi MamaOfChaos
Welcome to our community I hope you find it informative and supportive and thank you for posting here.
It sounds like you have done quite a lot of research already. My experience with cancer is through my wife but when she was diagnosed our son was about 7. I found some of the advice in talking to children and teenagers quite helpful. The book The Secret C - Straight talking about cancer by Julia Stokes I also found quite helpful. As issue for us was that my wife's cancer was treatable but not curable and so I felt a need to avoid things that offered a false hope.
I am so glad you have got the school involved, both Michael's primary and secondary were so helpful and ensuring he got the same message whichever trusted adult he spoke to was very helpful.
<<hugs>>
Steve
