My mother was recently diagnosed with Stage 4 Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and underwent her first chemotherapy today. Thank the universe, it went well. But I’m struggling to stay optimistic.
In the last couple of weeks, I have gone through a range of extreme emotions. As an over thinker and a generally anxious person, the days leading up to the biopsy results were filled with all kinds of speculations about the extent of the disease. It’s even worse because my family and I have already gone through a terrible experience with cancer before, we lost our youngest member, my baby brother, to T-ALL when he was just 15 five years ago. So the fact that one more of us is diagnosed with another cancer is just really hard to accept. Even though Hodgkin’s lymphoma is a rather curable cancer, I can’t help but dwell on it. I am the eldest daughter in the family, and I feel really bad that my father has to go through this. Taking care of both his son, watching him die and also dealing with the same with his wife now. I work 5000 miles away from them, and I have to keep the job to support my family, and as an immigrant to build a better future for my family. I feel so guilty being away, so anxious about how the treatment’s gonna go and the possible side effects and I know this seems like a stretch but I’m also really scared of me being sick because I’m worried there’s a genetic predisposition to cancer in the family. I really hope I’m the last one to die in the family because I don’t want my parents to see another one of their child die. I don’t know how to stay positive and keep my anxious mind in control.
