Hi,
I’m sorry for the long post, and thank you to anyone who takes the time to read it.
I’m reaching out for the first time in my life for help. I literally feel like my heart has been stopped on.
A few years ago I lost my Nan to cancer. She left it right up until it was noticeable to tell us that it was terminal. I know she wanted to protect us, but at the same time I feel like I wanted to be there with her and hold her hand. She passed away at home, and my Grandad was never the same.
After a couple of years trying to get by on his own, living as well as he could given he was blind, my Grandad was taken ill and what we were originally told was a water infection turned out to be cancer, and he suddenly passed away in August. I am so privileged that I had the chance to see him and kiss him goodbye, but it haunts me everyday. I have never had the chance to say goodbye to anyone I have lost, and it was by far the hardest thing I have done.
2 months have passed since my Grandad, and just when you think it’s getting slightly easier, I’m able to talk to my daughter about him without crying, and saying hello to every white butterfly I see believing it is him…
After 20 years, my Mums leukaemia is back. The absolute rock of our family, my best friend, the person I call if I so much as trip up over a rock, has cancer.
I am beyond terrified. I cannot lose my mum.
Hi Peach000
Welcome to the community though so sorry to read about what you have been going through.
Losing both your nan and granddad to cancer must have been really difficult especially as it seems they tried to protect your from what was happening. We have learnt so much about the importance of talking as even though it is painful it helps to keep us feeling included.
I wonder if you have considered looking for some support from cruse or the loss foundation to help you deal with those emotions.
With your mother - we have a number of leukaemia groups depending on the subtype she has - you might also like to look at the main site here
Finally looking at you - we have some really good advice in our pages on your emotions when someone has cancer.
<<hugs>>
Steve
