Don't know what to do

TK47X 6 months ago

2 replies
19 subscribers
302 views

Hello everyone, I am new and didn't really know what to title this post as I am feeling lost. Long story short my Dad was diagnosed in Dec 2021 (incurable) and was responding well to treatment until April this year when he was told there isn't any more. We don't know what this means re the time he has left as he hasn't asked. We've been getting on with life as much as we can, seeing him whenever possible and remaining positive and he is still feeling really well and carrying on with every day life.

I am a natural planner and want to know what's going to happen now but feel awkward asking and am assuming he doesn't know yet either. I guess I am looking for tips on how to deal with this because I am just a bit lost. I am seeing a counsellor in a few weeks which may help.

It also feels like a truly awful thing to even be asking, but we have an international holiday booked due to go in 8 weeks and I have no idea whether we should be cancelling now or carrying on. We've booked everything with cancellation terms so we have some time and I am torn because part of me says he's currently well and will be fine and part of me doesn't know if I'll be able to cope or relax being that far away. I have humongous guilt that we're even still considering going away and wonder what other people will think. Please be honest but also gentle - I'm experiencing all the emotions and think still in denial that this horrible thing is happening to my wonderful Dad.

Rosie321 6 months ago

Hello lovely, your post really struck a chord with me and I’m in a really similar situation. My dad was diagnosed a year ago and I’ve just been told this week it’s terminal, I think having no idea what to do is completely normal and it’s exactly how I feel.

In terms of forward planning I’m really struggling with feeling like I should put my life on hold but knowing deep down that’s probably not the right thing to do. I had a really big holiday booked in May and I debated not going for so long because he was so ill, I was even crying in the airport because I thought I done the wrong thing by going! But honestly, I had an amazing time and it made me feel better. And my dad loved seeing all my photos! I think you deserve a break and please don’t give a second thought to ‘what other people think’!!! Let them experience this situation before they can say anything.

I really want to move house and soon and I thought the other day ‘oh god that’s going to have to go on hold now’ and just as you said, I felt so guilty that I would even think about something like that, just know you’re not alone and none of us really know what to do xxxxx

TK47X 6 months ago in reply to Rosie321

Oh Rosie I am so sorry you’re going through this as well and thank you so much for responding. I’ve had similar responses from friends and someone said that the break might do us good to then feel prepared for what’s next.

I guess there is no way of doing things right as every situation is different and we’ve never experienced this before so we don’t really know how to act or what actions to take, or not as the case may be.

you take care of yourself and happy to chat x x x

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Don't know what to do