New Partner with Cancer

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Hi everyone

I just wanted to reach out as I'm finding myself in a really difficult position. My partner and I got together in February. We originally met 33 years ago and he reached out this year and we have resumed our relationship where we left off all those years ago. It's been wonderful even though we are currently 2 hours away from each other. A month ago he went to his GP as he had been having discomfort in one of his testicles. He saw the GP and literally the very next day he was on the operating table having a testicle removed. It was such a shock to us both but obviously especially him. He then had a scan and three weeks ago was told that the cancer was contained and he had a 98% chance of a full recovery which was fantastic news. Since then he received three letters all at once last Saturday. The first for a GFR test today and the second for a PET scan next Tuesday. The third is a September 3 month appointment to see his consultant.

Since the letters on Saturday he has completely closed down to me and our endless texts and chats have stopped. He just said he needs to get the first appointment out of the way and he'll be ok. I have continued to send reassuring texts telling him I'm there for him, giving constant reassurance but getting nothing apart from maybe the odd sentence. I feel helpless and hopeless and don't know what to do to try and get him to talk to me. I was wondering if anyone had been in a similar position to me, and would also interested to hear from anyone who has been in his position and been the same with a loved one and explain what the reasoning behind that is and if there is anything anyone thinks I can do to best help him.

Thank you so much.

src60 6 months ago

Hi Dunfermline

Sorry to read about what you and your partner are going through, it can be difficult processing emotions after a cancer diagnosis. From what you write it sounds like he may be doing ok in terms of the cancer but of course still has a lot of his own emotions to deal with.

Hopefully once he has a bit more information he will feel more secure and more able to share with you.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Dunfermline 6 months ago in reply to src60

Thanks so much Steve, I really appreciate your response. Yes its definitely his own emotions he's having to deal with and process as its all happened very quickly. I just hope he's able to offload to me sooner rather than later. Thanks so much x

Lin0506 6 months ago in reply to Dunfermline

Hi Dunfermline

What a horrible shock for you both especially with everything happening so quickly. We all react in different ways when we get a diagnosis for me I felt as though I was in a parallel universe it was completely bizarre. Then came the barrage of letters, phone calls, scans … It was completely overwhelming. I am sure your partner is reassured knowing you are there for him even if he isn’t communicating that to you at the moment. Remember to be kind to yourself as well this will have been a big shock for you too.

Linda xxx

Dunfermline 6 months ago in reply to Lin0506

Hi Linda

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it, and I hope you are doing well health wise. I know he initially said he felt like he was in a bubble and I totally get that, I think I'm struggling with him not communicating with me the last few days and just feel completely helpless. He's now not responding to calls and its killing me just not knowing what to do for the best. Thank you again for taking the time to respond its so kind of you and please look after yourself.

Debbie xx

Cherry2 6 months ago

Hi Dunfermline, I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position. I have been supporting my daughter with her cancer treatment for a year now. Some days she wants to talk about how she feels, her treatment, the future - everything around this horrible disease. Other days, she doesn't want to even mention it. Also, this time at the start - where your partner is now - is definitely the hardest. He will still be 'in shock' and trying to process everything for himself. Try not to read too much into this and keep sending the texts, they will mean a great deal to him. I'm sure he'll be in touch soon. xx

Dunfermline 6 months ago in reply to Cherry2

Thank you so much for your message. Its incredibly kind of you to take the time to message me when you are having such a difficult time in supporting your daughter. What you say makes complete sense but it's a difficult road to navigate isn't it when you're watching the ones you love most in the world process what is happening. Sending both of you so much love and strength.

Debbie xxx

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