Hi to anyone who reads this and I just need to vent as I feel that my feelings and thoughts are being dismissed. Overwhelmed most of the time . My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 incurable bowel cancer that has spread to his liver … in all sections.He has stated palliative treatment. He started his first cycle of chemo in February, scan in 10 days but also has started his 2nd cycle . He’s doing ok and as we all know on here some days good some days not and it breaks my heart to see him in so much pain and suffering with side effects sometimes but he is managing so very well . We’ve been together 6 years and is the love of my life , my soulmate . I’m 58 he’s 62 and we both never thought at our age we would find love let alone fall head over heels .
The thing is and I do t want to sound petty cis in the light of day it shouldn’t matter . His daughter from his 1st marriage is really grating on me and I am suspicious and do t trust her intentions. 6 years and I’ve seen her 5 times never had a conversation with her or chatted . We married in January this year and he didn’t want to invite any of his grown up children… he moved from Yorkshire to here and our wedding was fast tacked e side of his treatment so arranged and sorted all within a week and we had a lovely day with the people we wanted there .
Theyvhave never bothered with him in all the time we’ve been together and odd phone call or text from them my hubby is always the one to instigate contact . They never send cards on birthdays or Xmas or Father’s Day but now his oldest daughter is on the scene had already asked him if he’s done a will was he forced into marriage by me etc. She asked hi. Why she wasn’t invited. ! Well I haven’t said anything untoward not my business to say anything cos do t want to upset him but it’s clear that she’s after my hubbys money . He’s a good person and a heart of gold and I’m really worried that he will give her money that he needs to live off . We’ve fallen out because she’s now texting him saying I e said things to her that I haven’t ! He feels guilty about not seeing them much she’s 40 but a short story his ex wife stopped him and has said things and they basically didn’t bother with him but. Is she is now she tbh is he’s in his last legs and he’s not I love my husband and it’s really upset me very much and I can’t talk to him cos he shuts me down . He’s deleted all her text messages and before he used to show me them so im suspicious. I know this shouldn’t get to me but it does … I’m working full time , worry about losing my husband my best friend my soulmate and being without him worry about our mortgage our dogs how im going to cope . I have a councillor through the Dougie Mac hospice which does help but I feel so overwhelmed with everything and not being able to talk with my husband. I’m supposed him Cari g for him and trying to sort everything else out too and then she comes along and to k it’s her given right to check on him when she hasn’t bother all these years ! Honestly! When I try to talk to him he says look she’s my daughter and then he says she’s upset because she’s not getting a big payout. My gut is telling me something just isn’t right and I’ve since seen a letter he has left on the table about drawing some pension out ! He doesn’t need it he’s gone back to work I’m so so worried that she will guilt trip him and he’ll give his pension money away when he needs it ! He’s not been told that he hasn’t got long left he could live for several years we don’t know . What do I do ? Say ? This is our life our home please anyone I don’t know how to try and approach this now
Hi Marella2023
That all does sound very difficult and as you note nobody really knows what the future might hold for any of you. Many relationships struggle when a cancer diagnosis comes along and if there were issues before things do often just become more difficult.
Glad you have found a councillor because it is important that as carers we help look after ourselves too.
<<hugs>>
Steve
