Uncertainty

Hi all,

I’ve been lucky to never need a forum like these before, but found myself here after lots of googling throughout this week whilst my mum reaches a diagnosis.

She (59yrs), was diagnosed with stage 1A Ovarian cancer back in December. This was following a biopsy from a full hysterectomy (and more) to remove the mass that had been found. Following the diagnosis she was advised that further treatment wasn’t necessary as the surgery got everything it needed to. 

As a bit of background, my mum is a heavy drinker, and undiagnosed alcoholic, if you will, and I don’t remember a day she hasn’t drank in the past 15+ years. She’s never so much as had a scare from the doctors regarding her health or liver, and so has carried on (obviously an addiction and therefore a disease at this point). Following her surgery and diagnosis, we was obviously hopeful that this could have been a turning point. An eye-opener for her to stop her ways, especially given she spent 5 days sober during hospital stay. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case and despite promises to a changed lifestyle she and partner soon slipped back to old habits. 

Fast forward to February, she starts to feel discomfort and swelling in her stomach again. The assumed it was a complication from surgery but after almost 2 months of back and forth, scans and a lot of weight loss, she’s found herself back at the hospital on a fluid drip. She was prescribed morphine for the pain, which I was shocked by given her history. On Monday she had surgery to take a biopsy and was fitted with a drain for fluid on her stomach and lungs. On Tuesday, the surgeon told her that she had cancer, due to cells they saw on her bowel during the biopsy. Following this, and lots of research, I prepared myself for bad news. I take google with a pinch of salt but every search lead back to the same outcome which was that the fluid was Ascites caused by an advanced stage of cancer. The life expectancies were low even for some of the healthiest of people. 

There was a call with the surgeon yesterday where they advised that if it wasn’t a reoccurring cancer it was be classed as stage 3C. They are going to give 6 rounds of chemo but have advised it may not be successful. They aren’t saying it’s incurable, but they aren’t filling with confidence either which I expected anyway. We took away from the call that the cancer was not IN her bowel, and the don’t think it’s spread further, but that it is in the fatty tissue or peritoneum (not sure if they are the same thing). Further reading into this suggests this is much worse than we expected and a very short life expectancy.

For two months my mum has been uncomfortable, had no appetite, and had sickness etc. She was only small to begin with but now resembles a skeleton. She can barely lift her head off the sofa or get herself up to go to the toilet she’s so weak. The drain of fluid helped for a day but the bad news this week has knocked her for six again and she can’t stomach food or drink. Given her history, she wasn’t the fittest or healthiest at the start of this ordeal so seeing her now I cannot see how she will ever be well enough to handle 6 rounds of chemo. 

Unfortunately I haven’t been in a position to speak to any professionals myself, and all conversations have been with my mum and step-dad, who whilst obviously are finding the whole thing difficult, also don’t really understand much of what they’re being told. So it’s 2nd hand information by the time it reaches me, and I still feel out the loop. My mum thinks the surgeon advised she has 2 years, my dad didn’t hear this. But everything I’m reading online suggests much much less, and obviously she is very deteriorated already.

It’s taken up a lot of headspace this week and I think a lot of that is due to the unknown. I guess I’m wondering if anybody had had family with similar cases that can share their experience. I have mentally prepared for a poor outcome already, however I am 21 weeks pregnant and feel like the more information I can have the better I can prepare.

If you’ve got this far, thank you x