Hi everyone,
I'm brand new to the community. I just wanted to introduce myself and share a bit about being young and being a part time carer/having a life of cancer around me, maybe find others who are in a similar boat and around my age.
I'm 24 (she/they) and when I was 5-6 years old my dad was diagnosed terminal with Stage 4 lung cancer, he passed away within 6 months (i don't remember much of it / him), I just remember the uprooting I guess / family therapy / missing school etc.
I was then raised by my single mother who then later at age 8(?)ish found my "step dad" (they never got married but he was like a father to me) and he was with us on and off until I was about 15 when they seperated for bad reasons and I said bye to him - maybe reconnecting in the future
When I was 19 he sadly ended his life after being diagnosed terminally with a brain tumor as he didn't want to go through treatment and was heavily depressed
This past November at 24 my mother, who had a near terminal stroke when I was 12 and recovered miraculously (she is partly disabled in her right side of body but is able to walk drive cook live alone), was diagnosed with stage 1b uterus cancer and underwent a full hysterectomy, since she is alone and I am now the adult I left my life here in the UK for a couple months and went back for as long as I could legally (she lives in Schengen) and became her carer full time, I now hop between the UK and the EU for this - making sure she is cared for when I'm not there too (she is 66)
It sounds like a lot and it is but I also did have a very happy and priviledged life growing up - and right now I am in a good place and happy with an amazing partner and great friends, but I'm just exhausted I guess and also feeling a bit like I don't have many friends who understand my unique position, being the only child of a single elderly mother who is partly disabled, lives far away, alone and has now had cancer/major operation and being a carer(? i guess, i'm still accepting if that label even applies to me)
Thanks for reading and I'm looking forward to being part of a community
- Katkut
Hi katkut16
Just wanted to say hi so you know we are out there even if I am in a really different position to you. My mum was only diagnosed with cancer after she died since it was anyway not what killed her. Meanwhile my wife has cancer and we have been living with that for over 10 years.
It does sound tricky with your mother being abroad, I don;t know if there is anything in our Living with cancer outside the UK forum that might be helpful to you.
<<hugs>>
Steve
Hi Katkut16,
I just wanted to reach out as I'm in a similar position, except its my Dad who's going through it. It's only me and him, as my Brother passed away 24 years ago and the only close living relative my Dad has is my aunt, who is dealing with it all by distancing and distracting herself. I can totally understand your feeling of being exhausted, because although we're not going through it physically, mentally we're there every step of the way. I'm glad you have good friends and a supportive partner. I'm the same, but at times it's difficult as we can't know what others are feeling unless we've walked a mile in their shoes. I also wouldn't wish this on anyone and everyone is absolutely unique. But, I'm getting what you're saying and you are your Mum's carer, even with the distance, I'm sure she knows you're there and you'd do anything for her. As I would my Dad. The realisation is also hitting me hard that I'm my Dad's carer too, but we can't do it all ourselves so try not to be too hard on yourself and thanks for sharing here. Knowing we're not alone and there are others there to offer support is sometimes all we need.
Take care and best wishes to you and your Mum, she sounds amazing. 
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