Grandmother and the Big C

Hi CuppaKTea 

On one hand your story sounds really positive in having time with your grandmother after what must have been a very hard prognosis.

I we look at your feelings when someone has cancer I hope you might find some tips in understanding your own feelings, I am so glad you found our community as certainly I find it can be very helpful.

Hopefully when you get a bit more support in place you will have some more idea of what the next step might be. With both my dad and my wife's day they did end up in a care home because there we knew they got the care they needed and that was beyond what we could provide at home. It felt right at the time even if it might not have been what anyone thought at the time.

Feeling helpless at a time like this is perfectly normal, please remember you can always post on here or ring the helpline if you think that might help you - I have cried at them in the past and they are very patient and helpful.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Steve,

Thank you so much for your lovely reply and sharing the link- I will definitely take some time to read it.

I am so sorry to hear about your wife and father - care homes often are the right place for individuals to have a quality of life and the right support and I know my family will welcome that if it’s advised (maybe not my Grandma though- she’s pretty adamant she’s fine sat in front of her TV!)

I hope this year ahead is one full of good health and happiness. 

Best wishes,

Katie

(Should have read good health and happiness for you and your family)

Just wanted to comment to say I'm in a similar position, my Grandmother is recently diagnosed and has been given 3-6 months. Unfortunately I also lost my Grandad the day after her diagnoses so it's a tough time for us all.

My Grandad had dementia and declined quite rapidly so we had to move him to a dementia care home which was absolutely the best choice for us all. Although it was pricey, it was definitely worth it and gave us the reassurance he had round the clock care. He would often say he was frightened as he didn't understand what was going on, and we found all we could do was just hold his hand and be there for him. I'd take some sandwiches with me so I could have lunch with him and I'd tell him about my day. Even though he likely couldn't really hear or understand me, he'd squeeze my hand and knew I was there.

I'm having a tough time processing my Grandma's diagnoses as she was perfectly healthy up until now and all our focusses were on my Grandad. But I think we'll do the same with her as and when she declines, just hold her hand and tell her we love her.

I also highly recommend getting a camera and recording yourself asking your Grandma lots of questions. Questions from what her childhood was like, to what you were like as a child and any life advice she has. I did this with my Grandad when we knew he was being diagnosed with Dementia and i'm so glad I did. I now have a lengthy video of him talking all about his life which although I watch with tears at the moment, it's something I'll keep forever and hopefully show my children and grandchildren.

Sending love

Firstly, I am so sorry to hear about your Grandma’s diagnosis, and the awful timing in which it came. I hope that you and your family are as okay as you can be.

It’s always hard to come to terms with the fact that life has dealt this card, especially when your relative has been healthy (which like your Grandma, mine had) - I wish I had tips on how to make this easier to try to navigate but in actual fact I don’t so I’ve just accepted it’s all a bit crappy!

3-6 months can mean anything though, don’t take this as complete fact. My Grandma was diagnosed 2.5 years since ago and has lived years longer than expected without any treatment; people fight such brave fights and I hope you have more good times ahead with your Grandma.

Very unfortunately my Grandma is now in her final few hours/days but she is at home and resting. Whilst it’s horrifically hard to watch, holding her hand and talking has brought me a lot of comfort. I’ve also recorded snippets of conversations and voicemails she’s left me to cherish.

Sending strength and best wishes to yourself, your Grandma and your family.

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma. Thank you for sharing your experience.  My dad has terminal bowel cancer, I know I'll have to go through this stage at some point. I don't have any advise to give, just wanted to send you strength and a big hug. It's so nice you are there for your grandma, take care of yourself x

I am so sorry to hear of your Dad’s diagnosis. Sending so much strength and a hug straight back to you and your family! 

Cancer can be a merciless disease, not only for the person diagnosed, but those around them. MacMillan and Marie Curie have great support teams that have helped myself and my family navigate the journey (both mentally and physically) so do reach out, even for the silly questions or the teary chats and remember that if you need help, they are always there.

xx