June 2019- the first incidental discovery that Rupert - my spouse of 25 years - had a 12cm tumour on his left kidney. There were no symptoms and he was as healthy as anyone could be. We had just returned from a holiday to Mongolia horse enjoying riding and trekking. Upon our return, I nagged us to do a full medical check with blood test for cancer makers after a friend suddenly passed away from ovarian cancer. That fateful day when we were shown his results was when it all started.
We were told the cancer did not spread so there was no follow up treatment after the surgery to remove the kidney. Rupert had to change his diet to a renal diet. Adjustment in lifestyle was painful but we made it somehow.
2020-21- Covid raged with medical doctor shortage made Rupert return the front lines. He is a medical doctor. One night on duty, he passed out from acute pain. It turned out the cancer had spread to his gall bladder. Again, an emergency surgery and the gall bladder was gone. This time he was put on 2 years immunotherapy. For the next 24 months, we lived from scan to scan on an interval of 3 months. I would get scan anxiety and had to turn to anti depressants to cope. I also found it hard to work like any normal person, but had to.
July 2023- the final scan and it seems we are all clear! Joyful, thankful and grateful, we booked a holiday to Mongolia again to celebrate and regain the days we used to live. A week before departure, Rupert said there was a small pain in his arm that had not subsided. He went to a hand specialist and had a scan in case it was a fracture. Lo and behold! A tumour in the arm! But how could it be since we were all cleared? Well, it turned out the MRI tunnel missed the arm as the patient had alway to raise his arms up for body scan, and it was extremely rare for a renal cancer to spread to the arm. So here we go again, PTSD. Holiday and hotel stays become hospital stays. My mental state went downhill. We stared at each other and did not utter a word for good 24 hours, we just slept and slept. No body wanted to wake up.
Another surgery and part of the arm bone was removed, in its place a metal to hold the bone. Every 3 months, the usual scan routine, this time no part of the body was overlooked.
Oct 2023 - a tiny new one is found in the thigh. Rupert’s body cannot take another surgery so they are treating this new tumour up with a double dosage of immunotherapy in the hope that it will shrink or disappear.
the next scan is scheduled for Dec 12. While everyone one seems to be in the mood for fun and Christmas, I am clinging on to God and prayers for a miracle.
we have no children and are inter dependent. I cannot recall clearly what it used to be without these scans, blanks, anxiety, fear and helplessness - but I remembered we did have a life, like any one else.
please pray for us, and thanks for allowing me to share my state. It is lonely and dark, and I really don’t want to go through this again…I am terrified of the scan and I really really really need a break from this so God help me please. I cannot bear to see him suffer again, please let him have his life back. Take my life for his.
Hello Lucia88 I have just come across your post and reading it - well what can I say - it sounds like an absolute nightmare and as you say 4 years without a break.
It's Saturday evening now 9 December 2023 so you only have the rest of this weekend to go before Rupert's next scan - I do hope for you both that the double dose of immunotherapy worked - It should ease your worries and I hope it has done.
A few things I can offer to you by me replying are that:
* Your original post will be "bumped up" to the top of the forum and be seen by other members of the Community and I do hope you receive some extra support.
* You say you are in a "lonely and dark" state - Help is at hand - Have you ever thought of calling into your local "Maggie's". They are a support charity for anyone affected by cancer - to find your nearest "Maggie's" 0300 123 1801 or enquiries@maggiescenters.org or www.maggiescentres.org
* You could call our support line - it's a fee call on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week) I am sure they can offer you some extra support with all that you have going on.
No one should face any cancer without extra support - there is help and support out there for you. there is also this Community.
If I can do anything else for you please don't hesitate to contact me.
Best wishes for Monday - Brian.
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Strength, Courage, Faith, Hope, Defiance, VICTORY.
I am a Macmillan volunteer.
