I recently met up with a group of friends I hade when I had my daughter 12 years ago. We are all different ages, jobs personalities but we all generally seem to fit so well, which is why even tho our kids are in different years of school (August/ September babies) and at different schools etc we have all stayed close.
But when we met recently when chatting I ended up having a mini break down crying my eyes out about my mum. I am the youngest of the group having my daughter at 21 with only one other of the girls having lost a parent who was in their 80s and the friend being in her mid 40s, and is a very organised tidy, arranger and doer with he same career for the last 20+ years.
While I in my early 30s my mum only just turned 70, I am a neurodivergent disorganised, untidy, mess, who changes jobs every 6-12 months due to being shit, or bored, depressed or fed up, my mum helps me with everything, and I have no idea of how I am going to cope without her.
And when I had my mini melt down, I was told that I am strong and I will get through this and it just made me want the ground to swallow me and made me feel worse as I know I'm not strong, even before mums diagnosis I suffered with Depression and anxiety, and she was the one who propped me up.
At the moment I am just about holding it together as I don't want to give her anything else to worry about as he only child I know I.am what she worry about the most, but I'm so scared if what will happen once she's gone. I'm not strong, and I don't think mu husband will be able to cope without the Co support from my mum, I can already see my trajectory into a deep pit of dispear with no hope of recovery. And I don't know how to stop it happening.
Hi Lanamer
You have a lot going on in your life at the moment and unfortunately yes people often say things that are quite unhelpful - unless people have been through this life cancer does not make a comfortable conversation piece. I even reflect how I dealt with this before it came in to our life.
Some of your friends may well feel "stuck" in a job and may actually be jealous of you going from one job to another, people do have a nice habit of thinking someone else is better than them and they may well feel you are brave to do that.
The good news is there are lots of people out there who really want to help - Macmillan, Maggies are great in the cancer space. My son has autism and we get great support from KEEN and Autism Oxford,
For your husband - I hope he is able to find people to support him too because I am sure there can be a bright future for you both - and that will be a real tribute to your mum and the special lady she helped form.
<<hugs>>
Steve
