It's been 18 months since my Mum's lung cancer diagnosis when she was given 12 months. Initially, she had treatment but stopped when it made her very poorly and seemed to be doing more harm than good. The great thing is she's living life to the full, really making the most of it and is so happy at the moment. She knows she's on borrowed time! Symptoms got a bit worse so she finds out the results of another scan soon.
I'm really struggling this week and can't seem to jolly myself out of this one. I feel very similar to how I did when she was first diagnosed - not interested in anything that I would usually find fun, don't want to be around anyone, don't want to talk about it, not hungry, mentally and physically drained randomly crying. I can't bring myself to talk to friends I would normally chat to on a daily basis because I can't pretend that I'm ok and I just can't answer any questions about why I'm not.
I would really like to go to bed and not get back up until I feel better about it all. I can't even walk my dogs, I don't want to leave the house right now. It's like these four walls are my safety blanket.
I know it will pass and I'll bounce back at some point, but I just wanted to write it down, if that makes sense.
I'm so pleased that Mum has come to terms with as much as she can, I know she was really worried about the impact of her death on our family. We talk really openly about all of this and it helps. I can't talk to her about how I'm feeling at the moment though, I don't want her to worry about me! Or for it to mess up where she is now mentally.
Hi Nikita_UK
Thank you for posting this though sorry you do not feel you can talk to your mum about this. Feeling down is totally normal and I am glad you found writing on here helpful. If you would find it helpful to talk to someone please remember the helpline is here for everyone - even me I cried at them quite recently! - 0800 808 0000 open 8am-8pm 7 days a week.
It is good how we can share things like this on here as I know it helps me feel less alone - cancer does not always make for a great discussion over a cup of coffee.
<<hugs>>
Steve
One of the conversations my wife and I had was around some times when she just wanted to talk about something and I might feel she was asking me to do something and fix it. All too often in life when we can get to be very keen to help but with no idea how or even if helping is even possible. Quite a few family "discussions" where we get told you should have done this or that - not like we had not tried.
I know it took me a long time before I reached out for any kind of support. I even wrote an article for our in house magazine "what does it take". I ended up getting ill myself - it did not help that much.
<<hugs>>
Steve
