Hi, I’m hoping someone can offer some suggestions on how to look after yourself while supporting a loved one through diagnosis and treatment.
I feel so selfish for writing this as it’s mum that’s going through it, but as her main interpreter and carer, I need to find some kind of balance so I’m in the best place to support her.
Since April, mum has been diagnosed with breast cancer and had a successful lumpectomy and a lymph node biopsy confirmed it hadn’t spread. Then they found lung cancer and she is now having chemotherapy and radiotherapy to treat NSCLC.
Mum is deaf so I go to most of her appointments to make sure she understands, her sisters have offered to take her for some of her treatments so I won’t be doing this alone, but up to now, it’s been 95% me. And when I can’t go, I feel so guilty as sometimes her sisters can’t get her to understand what’s happening so I feel it’s my fault as I should have been there.
As it’s stands, I’m juggling mum and her treatment, 3 kids, a partner, full time work and 2 auto immune conditions and I’m not dealing with any one of these things successfully at the minute. Both of my conditions flare up as a result of stress and if that happens, I will be bedridden and won’t be able to go to any appointments so will be no help whatsoever.
I am not an emotional person and I have kept it together up until these last few days. I don’t get upset in front of mum because if I break down, she will, so I have to stay strong but since Friday, I can’t sleep, I’m irritable, I keep bursting into tears and I even shouted at mum today, that’s what made me realise I need to do something.
I don’t know what it is I need, whether it be an outlet, therapy, support? How do you cope? What helps you keep balanced and be in the best position mentally to support your loved ones?
