My husband was diagnosed with cancer of the ampulla just 10 days ago. We are currently waiting for a date for a Whipple operation. He's been warned that it's a huge and high risk operation. He's losing weight and getting very tired and is starting to look very ill. It's all very frightening and I'm aware that he is just at the start of his cancer journey. He's being very positive and has a lot of support from family and friends. I'm doing the best I can to stay strong and positive for him and our adult children too. But I'm struggling with seeing the changes in him and coming to terms with his diagnosis. I feel selfish for wanting someone to offer me some emotional support, but I think I need it in order to be able to give him all the care and support he will need. I have a large family, 4 sisters and a brother and a huge family of in-laws. My family have stayed completely silent, no communication in any form since his diagnosis with him nor me. Considering he's been a kind and supportive brother in law for 37 years this is heartbreaking. I feel totally abandoned by them and my anger and disappointment in this is taking up more of my energy that I really aught to allow. His family are calling him every day to see how he is. Which is exactly how it should be. But why do I feel jealous of that. He's the one with cancer! Why do I want someone to ask me how I'm coping? I feel so scared and alone right now, angry and abandoned. The person who I would usually ask for reassurance and have a moan to is the one who I must keep a brave face on for. He needs me right now. Sorry this is such a rant and feeling a bit sorry for myself but I just needed someone to get this off my chest, and so far there's no-one I can turn to
Hi Ayni
Many of us reading your story will I am sure feel "me too". Have on times seen carers have to step in and limit the family contract with the person with cancer because frankly they can become exhausted but then some family can feel left out - it can be something of a nightmare.
If only that "keeping a brave face" was as easy to do as it is to write. Perhaps a helpful guide is Talking about your cancer diagnosis - most especially with the ones closest to you.
<<hugs>>
Steve
