Feeling extremely low, but am I being selfish?

Hi @dru - you are far from alone in your feelings and no you are not being selfish.

Life loves throwing crap at us - just recently we all tested positive for covid. I know I came close to breaking and my GP prescribed eco-therapy - "you what?" I asked - go for a walk, with trees if possible and stop and notice what you see.

I know at times I have worried I would lose Janice; some times it has been quite close but actually sitting and talking has helped to bring us closer than ever.

Rant on here whenever, we get it - sometimes life sucks and letting it out it much better than bottling it up.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Thanks Steve,

Hope you have all recovered from covid.

I feel a bit better now I've had a rant! 

I walk the dog a couple of times a day and that helps!

I think it's worse at the moment because there is so many ifs and buts with this treatment.

But I guess everyone goes through the same thing .

G x

Thank you for posting how you are feeling. Just home from another hospital visit to see my partner who has CNS Primary non Hodgkin lymphoma. Cycle 1 complete of Matrix treatment but has taken its toll . 
Many days I feel invisible & struggle to get any conversation- never am I asked how I am doing & life is Becoming very lonely!

i do feel that I should be getting on with it as it’s not me having to endure such aggressive treatment but it is so hard & so drained 

& clearly not the only one feeling like this …..but oh it is so tough!

Sorry to hear about your husband, It really is so tough. Life does feel lonely because I don't think people understand what the partners go through.

It feels a bit like all our lives are on hold, my husband is at a critical stage in his treatment so we are pretty much living in isolation again apart from all the hospital appointments!

How long is your husband in hospital for?

Hi both, loneliness is often a subject that comes up on here and was a significant conversation around this years mental health week. I can certainly relate in the aspect of feeling there is nobody we can talk to even if we are not isolating and I know some of our friends are incredibly uncomfortable even mentioning cancer. Some old friends even seem to avoid us and that can hurt. Macmillan did a really good blog on that this year don't know if you saw it but we can read it here.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Thank you I will give it a read.

I've lost some of my closest friends and that really hurt but I guess they were never real friends in the first place.

He went in for his first cycle on 4/7 & still in as took so long to get his blood levels to where they needed to be before could be allowed to go home- however 13 days on fluids had bloated him so much ha has seized up & finding it difficult to move around  - hoping they will allow him home after the weekend but not convinced! 
there are lots a of appts booked in for next w - eye test , blood tests, stem cell assessment & follow up appt with MRI results…,so even when gets home the process continues & really feels like it is just the 2 of us on this journey as kids grown up & we are retired

i am pleased to say that today was a better visit & there was more communication- I understand that rest is important & am happy just to be there while he sleeps but my life does tend to revolve arod him most of the time now as want to support as much as I can during this tough regime that has a long way to go

I know how exactly you feel, I went through the same with my 24 years old son last year.He had aggressive DLBC lymphoma and he also failed chemo.Your husband seems a very strong person.It is a rollercoaster.Spend as much time as you can with him  build memories.Agressive lymphoma is evil and attacks good and innocent people.If you have a faith, pray for him and this will mentally and emotionally helps you. X

I'm so glad you had a better visit today!

Will he be having a stem cell transplant?

My husband was going to have one but because he still has active cancer he has been referred for cart-t therapy. So his undergoing all the tests to see if he can have it as you have to get funding. 

Heartbreakingly we have been told that this is pretty much his last treatment option. So devastating to hear he is only 41 never been ill and we have two girls of 8 & 11 x

Thank you! 

We are definitely trying to make memories as you feel cancer talk takes over everything.

How is your son doing now?