I really don't know how I feel and I'm just going through the motions every day. My Mum has recently had a lung cancer diagnosis with a relatively short prognosis. My parents are being incredibly brave and strong, determined to fight this for as long as they can.
Thing is, after the initial shock I don't know what I feel and I don't know what to do about it. Well meaning relatives and friends put a positive spin on everything - 'it'll be ok', 'medicine has come on a long way', 'you've got to stay positive'. And it all leaves me frustrated and cold.
I'm just going through the motions - I get up, sort my chores out, try to work which invariably involves finding other things to do, make dinner, drink a glass of wine and go to bed.
I need to talk to someone but preferably someone I don't know, but then I don't want to take up anyone's valuable time. There aren't many local family support groups where I live and my parents are in a different area to me so I can't necessarily tag along with them. I've thought about calling the Macmillan phone line but I don't know what to say.
I haven't even really cried. I have moments, but then it just stops and I go back to my day. Is this normal?
Hi Nikita_UK
so sorry to hear about your mum. Any diagnosis is so emotionally overwhelming for all concerned.
I think most of us who have been flung into this journey are largely "going through the motions" but you what, routine can help you cope too so maybe its not a bad thing.
My husband was diagnosed with a grade 4 brain tumour in Sept 2020 and nothing prepares you for that. I have found though that I struggle more with things on the days I'm not logged onto work for a few hours. Work gives a sense of normality and structure. Everyone's different and there's no right or wrong way to feel.
Not all emotions involve crying. I remember a long time ago when it was my mother-in-law who was terminally ill, my husband only cried once. To the best of my knowledge, he's never cried for her since. That's not to say he didn't go through the emotional journey. He just didn't cry. As I said, everyone's different.
There's always someone around here willing to listen and off a virtual hug so reach out whenever you need to. It’s always good to talk so do think about calling the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.
Stay strong. You're coping so much better than you think you are. Sending you a huge virtual hug.
love n hugs
Wee Me xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
