Hi. My dad was diagnosed last Sept with stage 4 colon cancer mestatisied to the liver. It came out the blue. He's gone through 12 rounds I think of chemo and was ok still getting out. In summer they put him on a chemo break and he's deteriorated from there. Last week they said they are stopping chemo as its now of no benefit and he's moved under the care of the palliative team.
It's hit me hard this weekend. All I can picture in my head is my dad pre cancer and I can't believe that person is never going to walk through my door again. I'm grieving this loss but I feel guilty as he's still with us. I'm trying to see him now everyday and support my mum who is caring for him but everyday I sobbing my heart out. It hurts so much I want to scream and punch pillows. I have 2 young children and it upsets me they will never now really know him. My dad is my rock all through my life he has been there for me. I can't process that soon he will be gone, forever. I have his pictures by my bed and I can't believe I'll never see him like that again. I can't cope. I'm a teacher and have to go to work yet my world is crumbling around me. I'm scared the worst is yet to come. I don't know what to do.
There's nothing I can say which will help, but just know your not alone. My mum has been battling cancer for over 3 years and at the weekend we were told that treatment is no longer beneficial and that she only has a few months left. I'm heartbroken and currently don't feel like I will ever smile or feel happiness again especially as I am so close to her.
I just wanted to say if you need someone to talk too that understands I'm always here to listen.
Laura 
