Hi,
My husband had hodge kind lymphoma this year, tha jfully in remission treatment finished in June. I basically went into survival mode at the time, we have a toddler so I literally had no time to think but now I'm feeling so down/depressed and anxious and wonder if this is all part of the recovery process? I think I just squashed any worry oast the diagnosis point as the prognosis was excellent but maybe there's alot of unprocessed stuff there? I feel achingly lonely and don't feel like I can talk to my husband (we have a good relationship but he's not ready to process fully yet either). During the treatment and perhaps a little to do with covid aswell I felt I was almost grieving for my own parents (shielding and we live just over an hour away) got anxious about my little boy being poorly or if he had a virus I was very OTT with the worry, felt like I wanted to move back to home town and just felt a pull for some big changes in accordance to 'what really matters'. Now things have kind of slid back to normal and I'm beginning the processing of it all. Is this all normal?!
I don't really worry about reoccurance etc, I have a medical background so trust in the info we've been given but can't seem to pick myself up from the almost 'loss' feeling.
Anyone any pearls of wisdom/shared experience/support forums or groups they have found useful or just had a similar experience AFTER cancer.
Xx
Hello Sib09
Thankyou for joining the forum and for having the courage to reach out and ask for support, this is such a positive step and hopefully it will lead to you finding the right path for your own personal recovery.
What a shock you must have had when you were told that your husband had Hodgkin lymphoma, the fear of the unknown, the panic of what would your life be like, how would you toddler cope, how would you? The What If's, The Why's. the restless nights and the silent tears, all covered up by the survival mode, the mask you wore, the need to remain focused and positive for your family. How strong you have been whilst inside you have been picking up the pieces, whilst trying to hold it all together.
Yes, it is normal that you will now process, you will re-visit the What If's, The Why's and you will eventually breathe again.
I wonder whether you are making an assumption on how ready your husband is to process things, and in turn, he may be feeling that he can not burden you with anymore. It is always worth attempting conversations, as good relationships are made great by the ability to be "real" at the most difficult of times.
Do you have any friends with whom you can share a coffee and just chat openly with to start that process moving forwards more?
This Section HERE, may provide you with information, along with support contact details for Macmillan
You have made the right first steps, please don't be too hard on yourself, you have been through a lot, and it is great to read that your husband in now in remission, best of luck, with everything
Lowe'
