Unfortunately my parent has recently and very suddenly fallen ill, we found out they have cancer (melanoma) which has spread all over their body including in the brain. Not only has this been a massive shock and obviously devestating, but now we have been informed they can’t even be treated because the cancer is so advanced. They could have weeks left to live but we just don’t know. They came back from the hospital after being in ICU following massive seizures caused by the swelling in the brain because of the cancer and has been recovering and taking medication to reduce swelling and stop seizures and control pain etc, which went well initially and they seemed to be getting better but the past couple days they’ve been acting really withdrawn, unaware, moody, quiet, not themselves and like delayed responses, staring into space and just saying weird things. I’ve been struggling with this a lot of because that’s how they behaved before the seizure they had last time and that really scared the hell out of me and caused me a lot of anxiety. They are on anti convulsant drugs so it probably won’t happen again but I just feel really scared because obviously their condition is worsening and just isn’t the parent I know and love. It’s so sad and scary to see someone you know so well act so different and odd and you can’t do anything to change it. I’m scared and I don’t know how to act around them, I don’t know what to say, what to do, I panic every time they do something weird because it’s like a big red alarm in my head screaming this isn’t good like what do I do? Unfortunately the cancer is terminal and can’t be treated so we can’t really do anything but make them as comfortable as possible but it’s really difficult to live with 24/7, I hate it so much and I live in constant worry and anxiety and stress - worrying if they fall over in the night, if they get confused and forget us or where they are or if they get angry and lash out, if they die, if they have another seizure, if they say or do something that takes me off guard, just constantly worrying. It’s exhausting. It was easier when they were in the hospital because I knew the staff were there 24/7 looking after them, he was in a much safer and prepared place, and I could rest easier at home because home wasn’t where all the worry and stress and fear was, home was just somewheee I could switch off and have a little peace but now with my sick parent home all the time we have to care and worry about them all the time and I hate being left alone with them because I’m terrified that something might happen whilst my other parent is gone and I just can’t deal with it. Last time when the seizure happened I had no choice, it happened and I dealt with it by calling the ambulance but it was the most scary thing to witness and I swear I never want to see it again. And the behaviour beforehand was scary too because said parent wasn’t aware they were acting strange, were wandering around not knowing what they were doing, saying weird things, it was so upsetting and it’s like it’s happening all over again.
Hi fluffyfudge
It does sound very worrying for you but it is good that you were able to cope last time. From what you say it sounds like you do not have a prognosis but it is worth recognizing that mostly they are little more than an educated guess.
It might be worth speaking to your GP about your feelings, they are really very common as we can see if we look at Supporting a family member with cancer but many of our friends have difficulty relating to the feelings - one of the powers of the community is basically we understand what it is like.
If may be worth looking in to a needs assessment and a carers assessment - it can help ensure as a family you have access to the support that will help you cope in what can be a close to impossible situation.
<<hugs>>
Steve
Hi fluffyfudge,
I spoke to my GP because I was having problems at work that was causing me stress and asked about something just to help me sleep; his "prescription" was eco-therapy - getting out for a walk, especially if it can be among trees. I did not get anything quite as formal as this description from mind but I and do find it quite helpful to get out of the house/work place and go for a walk.
If you were ranting I never noticed, we all just do the best we can and on here we just find friends who know how difficult life can be.
<<hugs>>
Steve
