Hi - my husband was diagnosed with DLBCL in March. It is Stage 2E with uptake in the jaw and Parotid Gland. He has just finished 6 rounds of RCHOP and is waiting for biopsy of the Parotid Gland which hadnot responded to the chemo at the mid point . The steroids have brought on type 2 diabetes and there is some v minor heart muscle damage. Both secondary conditions are being managed by medication. He cannot work at the moment as his job involves carrying a firearm. He has never been good at talking about things and can easily fly off the handle but it’s on a new scale now. He tells everyone he is fine and coping well but with me it’s a v different story. He will get angry most if the time and frequently tells me I am a bad wife and I don’t support him. I sort all his meds everyday and make sure I cook for him and go to appointments with him. He will lose the plot over absolutely anything and the shouting and swearing is constant. Yesterday he lost the plot over an athlete pulling out of the Olympic with an injury which he felt was a cop out and he went on about it several times. He has always had a short fuse but this is a new scale. He has a Lymphoma counsellor but he won’t open up to him. I joined the last counselling session and tried to also get my husband to see it’s ok to not be ok and tell people that but he doesn’t want me to join again. Our marriage was not the strongest prior to diagnosis but I am doing my best but it’s so hard. Has anyone experienced anything similar please and have any tips for dealing with it. I work full time and am trying to juggle caring for him and work and feel like I am doing an awful job if both at the moment. Thanks very much
Hi
So sorry to hear about what your are going through - first and foremost you are coping with a nearly impossible situation and are still standing - does not sound like someone doing a awful job to me.
I wonder if your husband could be found a different role as being able to do some work is often better than doing no work.
It can be very difficult for anyone to admit they need help and being "ok" in front of others is not at all uncommon. Often it is only with those we truly trust can we open up - even if it seems they take the brunt and it can feel like an attack.
Perhaps if you talk about what you need to do for him and what you expect of him - could he sort his own medicines for instance and do some of the cooking it might make him feel more useful.
<<hugs>>
Steve
