Hi everyone,
A bit of backstory. I'm 23 and my father (60) has had mobility issues and heart issues for the last few years. We had a less than perfect relationship for a lot of years but things have got better in recent years and I've made my peace with some things. I live a few hours away from my family and I was not aware he was undergoing any new investigations under the care of new disciplines - as far as I knew, his mobility issues were a muscular hangover from vascular problems. Imagine my shock when they visit to watch me graduate this week and he very calmly tells me he has Myelofibrosis, entirely unrelated to his other health issues, before moving on to talking about television programmes. I read a booklet he gave me and have done some of my own research, but I can't get past this complete and total blockade of numbness. It's like I'm just stood watching this happen to somebody else and all the information I read just isn't relevant to me. I can almost see myself reacting outwardly like crying or being angry or panicking but it's like my brain and body just won't even entertain that prospect.
I worry for his health, of course, particularly during the pandemic, but I worry even more for my mum's mental & physical wellbeing. She's been in a caring role in many ways for a few years now, just as he was for her when she had cancer around a decade ago, and I'm not there to help this time. It feels like they're both in some stage of denial, after being told initially it hasn't been brought up again and they are just going about their days completely as before. He's on watch & wait for the moment which I know is a good sign, but it just makes this even more confusing because I've been hit with an enormous bomb shell yet I don't have anything tangible to hold on to or reference. I know he's waiting for more results, he says he doesn't know which tests, and I worry that even if I insist they tell me when they get them they just won't so as to not worry me. Having watched my mum go through and beat cancer when I was a teenager, the experience here couldn't be any different. That was like a quick explosion of fear and worry which was over quickly, but this just feels like I've been blinded indefinitely.
Anyway, any words of advice or stories of similar experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thank you x
