I’m female and 24, my mother is 59. She had a cancerous ulcer removed from her pancreas in a whipples procedure 3 years ago, as well as undergoing chemotherapy. They then found a tumour in her brain which was removed in an operation, she then had more chemo and this time radiotherapy too. We thought she was all clear, but in the last week they’ve found a tumour in her liver. She’s waiting for an appointment with her oncologist to work out a plan for treatment. Meanwhile, her personality has completely changed, from funny and bright and loving to sad, paranoid and flat. Her memory is very bad and it’s hard to even hold a conversation with her. I’m not sure how much of this is a result of the brain surgery and radio and how much is potential depression. I’ve tried to get her to have some counselling but she says she doesn’t want to talk about it. She has also completely deteriorated physically, to the point where she can barely stand up or walk anywhere. Tonight she fell out of her bed and because my dad was out I had to try to pick her up and get her back in. I broke down in tears at the situation and realised that I just cannot cope with this at all. I feel like I’ve already lost my mother. I miss her, and although I hate myself for it I sometimes feel resentment towards her now. I’m absolutely exhausted as for the past 3-4 years things have just been getting worse with no light at the end of the tunnel. Because I’m living with my parents and working from home I have no escape from the situation. I don’t know where to turn for help. Getting counselling for myself just feels selfish as I know it’s my mother who really needs the help. I love my mother very much and I wish none of this was happening.
