Hi there,
Already so grateful for this forum, just reading through previous threads has proven to be an immediate source of support already.
My Nan has been through the mill this last 6 months, a total hip removal in November spiralled into catching COVID and then just 6 weeks ago a cancer recurrence diagnosis after 10 years cancer free - no treatment advised due to health and age. It’s seen her move from her home of 25 years where I have visited most days my whole life to a care home and limited visiting due to restrictions. She has been out of isolation for a few weeks only in the last 7 months now. I miss her terribly and am so helpless in being able to be there to support her. She heavily relies on her social contact and it’s had a huge impact on her mental health.
My Nan does not want to know her prognosis, however in speaking confidentially with her agreement and POA to the consultant he has advised a few months at best. The cancer progressed from a 3cm lesion to a 10cm tumour in only 4 weeks.
While we all know life and death are the only two certainties in life I did not think we would be planning for hers just yet. She is terribly frightened of dying and I am really struggling to come to terms with the thought of losing her, while desperately trying to remain positive so she does the same.
It feels crazy to even be writing this to be honest with you, I’m not sure where else to turn. I don’t know how to come to terms with the prognosis, or how to support her in staying the funny, witty, sharp and brilliant Nan she is. I feel like I’m just waiting for the phone call nobody wants to receive.
Thank you all for sharing your advice and own experiences, it helps to know other people understand.
Hi
thank you for posting this message and noting the effects just reading other people's stories can have. It can be really hard hearing the no treatment advised message but it can be worth reflecting that some of the treatments can be quite aggressive. One tip I was given was to listen closely to the oncologist to see if treatment is recommended or just offered - not fool proof but can be helpful to try to get an indication of a kind of impact assessment of treatment. It can be very hard as a family member if the patient makes a decision that we feel uncomfortable with - I note your comment about prognosis above and then perhaps the question is how many is "a few". While my dad did not have cancer his last couple of years where his mind vanished were really difficult and when he died there was a sense of relief that he was no longer suffering tinged with a sense of guilt that we felt that.
Do post on here though whenever - just like you gather support from others experiences others will get the same from you and together we will deal with this - teamwork.
<<hugs>>
Steve
