Hey Everyone,
So my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer end of January. It took months to convince him to get checked and when he finally did, the world crashed in. He was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer in the bile ducts, unfortunately by the time they caught it, it had spread to other places/organs.
He isn't coping well.... Unfortunately last year we lost his mum to cancer and also my friends father so I think that's really impacted how he's feeling about it. One minute he makes jokes and laughs and the next he gets angry and gets offended by everything... (I completely understand this though).
So just a quick back story to this rant/story... To be honest I'm not sure what the purpose of this post is...advice? Just to get it out? But anyways... So back story... This is my step dad, he's been part of my life since I was around 2... We never saw eye to eye when I was younger... Always bickering and fighting etc... But as I got older (I'm now 28) we became so much closer and I honestly would consider myself a complete daddys girl... I phone him for everything.... Him and my mum fight like nobody's business (it's caos sometimes) so I've always tried to be the peace maker, the one to fix everything, the one to be positive etc... And I'm struggling..... Struggling to know what to say or do? I want to fix this and yet I know I can't... I feel so helpless!! I hate seeing my dad so down and depressed!
I recently had a baby boy and I know seeing him really cheers my dad up, we moved back to my hometown to be closer to him so we could be there to help. I just wish I could do more.... Fathers day is coming up and I want to make it special but at the same time I don't want him taking it wrong... Sometimes he gets a bit defensive and says 'oh so your writing me off then' (hes the one that says it'll be his last father's day etc) I'm just not sure to how to go about anything anymore without causing upset??
I know this post probably doesn't make much sense but it's like all my thoughts are coming out at once, to be able to write it down to others that potentially get it... Who understands the thought process etc...
Silly thing is, I thought I was OK, being strong for him, not letting him see me upset etc... But this evening it's really hit me... Looking for fathers day presents for my little boys dad and realising everything.... Its like It really hits me sometimes, other times I can almost pretend it's not happening... Oh gosh! How do I process this? I don't want to make this about me at all so I don't talk to those in my family or my dad about it, rightly so it's about being there for my dad and even my mum, supporting them but... Eurgh I don't know.
I'm so sorry if this triggered anyone or upset anyone, I just feel if I don't get this out I'll burst and I'm not sure where else I can go or who else I can talk to... I know none of you can tell me how to feel or even help but just anything that helps you get through these moments pleaseeeeee
Thankyou for reading and for if anyone does comment 
K️ate
X
Hi Kate,
Welcome to our wonderful club and thank you for this question. How I wish there was a simple answer to the question of how we are supposed to feel - but then probably none of us would be here. The wonderful idea of "I have to be strong" is one we here so often - it sounds so simple, but we know it is not.
There is a whole load of collected wisdom in Supporting a family member with cancer and perhaps the most important lesson I had to learn was to create some space for me. I did a living with less stress course that was very helpful and can almost help me step back and look at how I am feeling in a sort of analytical way - I am upset - why am I upset - that might be a very reasonable reaction, but it will come to an end. I remember the days of crying in the shower.
Rather that triggering or upsetting anyone as you can see our friends on here recognize just how you feel and there will be others who never got to comment but will feel comforted just by knowing there are people out there just like them.
Keep posting whenever you like, someone is always listening and to quote Bill Withers:-
Lean on me
When you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on...
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need somebody to lean on
<<hugs>>
Steve
