Hi everyone, not really sure what I'm doing here. My Gran has multiple myeloma and recently I've been finding it increasingly difficult to cope knowing that the end is coming... and we don't know when. Over the past few years Gran has been on many treatments, including chemo and a stem cell transplant but nothing seems to have worked for as long as the doctors had hoped (and I'm sure there are others who have faced this too). She is now on her final treatment option of pomalidomide so when this stops working there is nothing left to try.
A recent MRI she had showed that there were myeloma cells in the spine but as they covered so many areas of the bone it cannot be treated with radiotherapy, the cells in the spine were a surprise in some ways as her myeloma had not presented as back pain really before this year but now she is in agony all the time even with the stronger painkillers. I just wanted to say this in a place where I'm sure other people understand what I'm feeling, I know I'm not alone in this but it is very difficult to talk to my family as I know they are facing the same thing, and for people like me mum, my Uncle and my gran I'm sure it must feel a thousand times worse.
To cut a long story short I'm terrified of what will happen in the coming months as although I know the end result cannot be changed I am already heartbroken to see the decline I have thus far. Gran used to go on hugely long walks everyday and I struggled to keep up with her, now that has reversed. She keeps saying she'll do another one of her long walks 'one day' but I cannot help but feel as though she may never be able to walk that far again. There's so much more I could say about her, or her dog, or both but I suspect I've typed enough. Has anybody got any advice on what to do when you feel as though the end is nigh?
Thank you for this. I'm going to try and go on a couple more days out with her if she's up for it when restrictions are lifted more, need the cafes etc to open indoors so she can stop and sit down when she needs to, people at work have told me to spend time with her whilst I still can but I want the memories to be quality and not just watching her fall asleep to antiques roadshow haha. I fully understand grieving for someone who is not yet gone, and I don't think the long periods of waiting for news helps with that.️
I️ know your journey is difficult too and I hope you make the memories you can cherish. It really is taking each day as it comes, the upset of it all definitely hits me in waves.
