I Don't know How much more I can take.....

FormerMember over 4 years ago

2 replies
15 subscribers
904 views

So, along with Everything going on with Mum (as is explained in my profile) My Fiance & myself have had a Complete Curveball thrown at us.....His GP is pretty much certain (from some tests he had done) that He has Bowel cancer. I just don't know how I'm managing to function atm, with Mum being so up & down, & not knowing what to expect next with her. My Man is my Absolute Rock! I suffer with severe depression, anxiety & panic attacks,& I have Really struggled with Mum's diagnosis etc. But I've managed so far as I've always had my darling fiance to come home to, he talks to me, he listens to me, & he holds me in his arms when I'm sobbing So hard I can barely catch my breath.

I just don't know what to do next?! Obviously he's got a lot of hospital appointments & tests to come, & I'm gonna b by his side Every step of the way. But I'm an only child, my Mum has got Me. My Stepdad is Amazing, they've been 2gether around 30/35yrs,& they Idolise each other, but He's struggling so much atm (& things aren't too bad atm, they're set to get a Whole lot more difficult in future!) & close Family members are offering to help, but obviously, due to current restrictions, the amount of help they can accept is minimal. So it's down to Moi!! I Love my Mummy So bloody much, & I've treated her So badly, & put her through So much over the years, I am Determined to do Everything in my power to make this Horrendous journey as pain free & as comfortable (& enjoyable when she wants to do things!) as I Possibly can .

But I Love my Fiance with Every single part of me! My heart hurts, & I feel empty inside when I allow myself to even think about anything happening to him.

Sorry to anyone reading this if I've bored you to tears, or upset you by writing this! Thankyou So So much for taking the precious time u have to read my ravings! I think I feel slightly better for having put Everything into words!! Any advice would be gratefully received. Or if you just want to put all your feelings into words too,please do, I'll read & respond to Everyone xxxx

Thankyou xxxx

Ellie xxx

FormerMember over 4 years ago

Dear Ellie,

What a tough time you're having. I felt very overwhelmed when my remaining sibling, my lovely brother Rob, was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer in December. Over the last 5 years, we have lost two brothers and a sister so there is only us left. What I try to do is take things one step at a time. When I start looking at the bigger picture with its what ifs and maybes I get very distressed. For example, Rob started his chemo on Monday and I thought about him all day then and Tuesday, imagining him throwing up and feeling dreadful. When he rang me yesterday, he was full of beans, telling me all about the lovely nurses and other patients he'd been talking to. I had wasted so much energy imagining the worst and as it turned out, it was my story not his. I think the only way you will manage the journey of your two loved ones is to be there for them as much as you can; try and live in the moment rather than anticipating the future and when you feel yourself getting anxious and overwhelmed, try distracting yourself and this will give you some safe space to recharge your batteries.

I think you need to look after yourself too. I can't over-emphasise the crucial part that self-care plays in coping with the hard times in life. Stop beating yourself up about historic events with your Mum. We can all look back and wish we'd done things differently but that's been and gone. You are still her daughter now and it's now that matters.

I'm sending you lots of love and a big hug. X

Jan

FormerMember over 4 years ago

I'm so sorry you are going through this, I really hope everything does work out OK for your Husband.

I totally understand how you must be feeling, I only found out this week my Mum has stage 4 ovarian cancer and I am absolutely heartbroken, it just doesn't feel real and my Husband has been my absolute rock I know id be struggling even more if he was in this position too.

You are doing amazing being such a supportive daughter as well as a wife, things can get hard and I know it's easy to say but make sure you have someone you can still confind in and can support you because you don't want to feel alone during this awful time.

I suffer with anxiety too and I know that this doesn't help at all, I really do sympathise with you. Your Husband may be poorly but he will no doubt still try his best to be there for you as you are there for him too, don't give up hun your stronger than you realise xx

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