Does anyone else experience this?

Hi Elemouse

Your love for your brother is so obvious in your post, and I feel that there is such a fear that you are trying to hide and that is why, today, whilst your brother is not aware, you are feeling so very emotional.

We are all different and react differently so I think you will know the best way to react around your brother, but do you mind if I ask what you mean when you write "I need to feel for him"? I am more so picking out the word "need" and my reason is, I am wondering is the need for you or for him?  Please don't read my questions as challenging in anyway, it is merely an observation from which I would not want to assume the answers.

I too take my cues from my husband, but I also feel that for the most part I just walk beside him, ready to catch him even if he doesn't seem to know he might need to be caught.

I do hope that your brothers chemo goes well and you can find your way to walking beside him.

((Hugs)) Elemouse, I know how tough this journey from the outside, feels x

Lowe'

Hello there Lowedal.

You gave me food for thought with your question about "need". This is where the journey has taken me: Why should Rob suffer when he's been such a good person all of his life. He lives a truly Christian life - always ready to help others, kind, caring, does God's work to the best of his ability (going into prisons and refugee centres singing with his guitar and counselling those in need) etc etc I could sing his praises all day. I, on the other hand don't believe in God, can't hold a candle to Rob in any way, shape or form. My conclusion is that I feel guilty that he's got to face a lot of undeserved suffering and I'm getting away scot free. Hence, if I rub my face in all he has to go through it redresses the balance.

In reality this doesn't make sense. I've had numerous operations (20+), most of them major and I had a massive heart attack 3 years ago. I also have bipolar. Having said this though, every operation I've had has solved the problem and I survived the heart attack when most other people have died. I was on Lithium for years for my bipolar but I now manage it with mindfulness. So I think I am a VERY lucky person.

My conclusion is that I don't need to imagine what Rob's journey is like in an over-empathising way. I need to emotionally detach myself and create a safe distance. I know I'm supposed to avoid stress as much as possible because of my heart condition and I won't be much help to Rob if I have another heart attack or go to pieces. I am so very proud to be his sister and I'm going to be strong for him, recognising that some days I will be more successful in this than others. My sister-in-law told me yesterday that it makes him very happy knowing I am on the end of the phone and he really enjoys his conversations with me (which usually have us in fits of laughter within a few minutes).

I will enjoy every day that I am my brother's sister whatever the journey we go on together.

Hi Elemouse

I am pleased to read your reply, you made me smile... 

It is strange how we perceive things don't you think? You mention Robs undeserved suffering, then mention so much "suffering" of your own.  

I and my husband are very spiritual, we carry a belief in God (or a higher power by whatever name that is called) we also follow a path of paganism, but perception may make that a strange thing for some..

My Father sadly passed last week after his Journey with stomach cancer and COPD, he was a loving guy, and the end weeks of his life was not fun for him, but there is no outside force to blame for what we go through, this is just a journey we are on and we experience different things, some positive, some negative and some which give us a greater understanding of why we must appreciate every second of every day. 

My Husband has Oesophageal cancer with mets, (the reason I am here on this site originally) and that has taken us on a rollercoaster of a journey, yet he is doing so amazingly well with his treatment so far... I hope that this will be the same for Rob, Sending love and strength to you both.

Take care

Lowe'