Having a family member being diagnosed with Terminal Cancer is one thing but during the COVID pandemic it is especially cruel. As a close family member, I feel totally useless, guilty for not seeing them and literally at a loss as to what to say to them on a daily basis, either in a video call or over the phone. In normal circumstances we’d of hugged and cried it out, perhaps reminisced and I would have generally done all I could to make their final months comfortable. It’s like being in a prison cell and there’s no way out! Cannot talk though my worries/concerns with others, without sounding selfish and to top it all off I have to be the strong one for all the rest of the family, because I’m only a mere sister in all of this. I am angry, my heart has literally been torn in two and some days I just can’t see what life is going to like without them.
Does anyone have any suggestions of how to support loved ones, whilst we are going through lockdown!?
Thanks in advance
Hi @sueant,
So sorry to read your story - and perhaps the first and foremost thing is to let you know you are not alone, all the feelings you talk about are really very common even before covid and adding covid to the mix certainly does not help - and you certainly do not sound selfish to me at all.
You talk about not knowing what to say - in the old days we would have said if you do not know what to say give a hug but often just being there and listening is the most important of all. The most important thing for most of us is to have some support ourselves - this is sometimes where we do have to be a little bit selfish and from time to time say I need to do something for me. Coming here is great because we are all in the same boat and understand.
You say you are angry - that can be ok in the short term but can get in the way of us helping ourselves, If we can take the time to think of how we feel and break things down in to steps it can be useful to get to things we can do. Often people talk of pre-grief - I know I was there before I did a living with less stress course and perhaps one of the useful ideas I picked up was “Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles. It takes away today's peace.”
Do post on here whenever as someone is always listening - indeed posts like yours will resonate with many people.
<<hugs>>
Steve
