My Dad was diagnosed with stomach cancer in January with a prognosis of 4-6 months. Chemo was only palliative and although he had one round he really wasn’t strong enough to handle it. He is now in a nursing home and well looked after. He is coming to the end now, in the last three weeks we have had two “it’s time” calls and he has rallied and been OK. I live 2 hours drive away, my nerves are shot to peices, my emotional state is unstable at best, I think I’m managing but really I’m not. I have a three year old and a hubs, every weekend for the last 3 weeks we have all decamped and stayed in a hotel for the weekend, and on the weekday I drive every other day for two hours, spend thirty mins with Dad then drive home for two hours. I’m trying to be everything to everyone, I’m physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted, but don’t know what else to do. My daughter has become clingy and screams whenever I leave the house because especially during COVID she hasn’t left my side since beginning of March,, hubs and I have become so disconnected and although I’ve always thought our relationship is strong, this weekend I felt that we had some fundamental cracks and we had a major fall out. I’m second guessing everything, I feel insecure, I’ve put my life on hold, I’m afraid to go anywhere too far from the house incase I get “that call” again, I’m in a state of constant turmoil and my anxiety levels are through the roof. Is this normal, how do you continue normal life?
Hi , so sorry to read your story and the problems you and your family are facing. Is it normal - absolutely - the question is what perhaps do you want to do. I am sure your dad is in no doubt of the love you have for him by everything you are doing. So many people do put some store in being there for the very end but for many death comes out of the blue.
I know when my mum was in hospital my dad always wanted me to put my son and wife first. As you say your dad is being well looked after in the nursing home so perhaps it is worth considering how visiting might work to allow you and your family a more normal life.
My mum got out of hospital after 6 months and ended up out living my dad - I think she was just too stubborn to go first.
<<hugs>>
Steve
