Mum has cancer in her spine

Hi and welcome to the online community

I'm very sorry to hear about your mum's cancer diagnosis and how you're struggling to deal with it. I haven't been in your position, as I was the one with cancer, but I noticed that your post hasn't had any responses. 

Feeling how you do after hearing the news about your mum's diagnosis is perfectly normal and, if you haven't already, you might find it helpful to have a chat with your GP who has various options to help you, not just medical.

You say that you don't have any support so you might find this information from Macmillan on who can support you helpful. If you think that having a chat to someone, other than your GP, would be useful then please give the Macmillan Support Line a call on 0808 808 0000. It's free to call and they're available from 8am to 8pm.

When you feel up to it, it would be really useful if you could pop something about your mum's journey so far into your profile as it really helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.

Sending a virtual ((hug))

Hey, thanks for the reply.

Unfortunately, my Mum's journey ended on the 3rd of August due to a Pulmonary Embolism.

After her gallstone removal procedure, she was vomiting blood for 4 days and the doctors didn't do much about it. On the 2nd of August, she stopped vomiting and it seemed like she was finally improving. I was hopeful she'd be home soon. However, on the morning of the 3rd, I called her on her mobile and she told me she couldn't breathe. She said she was unable to take a full breath and that she was panicking. I told her not to panic, but then I heard doctors voices and it cut off. Shortly after this, I got a call telling me to go to the hospital and that it was serious. When I went there, I was made to wait 10 mins or so in an interview room. Eventually the doctor came in and told us she'd most likely be gone within the hour. When I went into her room, she was unconscious and her breathing was laboured and irregular. I talked to her for a few mins in the hope she could still hear me, but within a few mins she stopped breathing completely.

Now, I'm just lost. I don't want to live anymore because I feel there's no point without my Mum in my life (especially in my situation with all my anxiety issues). Plus, I'm struggling to deal with how it all happened and that our last call was her panicking. I feel like I'm in some kind of nightmare and I can't escape it.

My auntie has been helping me a lot and I appreciate it, but she's not the kind of person I can truly connect with. She's very different from me and my Mum. I also think she'll be unreliable after a while and I'll be truly alone. Macmillan has also been helping me with funeral costs and helping me get my own money for my mental health problems, but because this is all new to me and I'm dealing with grief at the same time, the stress is sometimes too much for me to handle. They've also helped me with getting counselling which starts next week, but it's only 6 sessions.

Anyway, sorry for the long reply.

Hi

I'm very sorry to hear that your mum passed away recently and I know what a tough time you'll be going through. I lost my mum, not to cancer, just coming up to five years ago now.

We all deal with grief differently and there's no right or wrong way to cope. However, I'm sure your mum would have wanted you to lead the best possible life you can and I'm glad to see that you're starting counselling next week.

When you feel ready you might want to join the Bereaved family and friends forum group which is a safe and supportive place for anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

If you'd like to join just click on the link I've created and then choose 'click to join' on the page that opens. You can then introduce yourself after selecting '+New' and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'. 

Don't forget there's always someone to talk to about how you're feeling on the Macmillan Support Line. Just call 0808 808 0000. It's free to call and they're available every day from 8am to 8pm.

Sending a gentle ((hug)) your way.