Hi!
I’m here because both of my parents have cancer. I’m in my thirties and it’s scary to think about that I could lose both of them. I also live quite far away from them which doesn’t help as I don’t get to see them a lot. They are also separated and refuse to talk. My mum made me swear not to tell my dad but to be honest I talk to my dad a lot more and I needed one of them to know, so I told him. She doesn’t know about him yet though.
My dad has prostate cancer. Thankfully he is ok for now they just need to monitor it. My mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer just before lockdown so she is only allowed to go in to find out what stage it is at in August. I’m understandably frightened for the news as a few years back I lost a fantastic friend to rather aggressive bowel cancer who was perfectly healthy and only 25. It just came on incredibly suddenly and shocked everyone.
It’s hard as well because my mother is disabled and is actually quite vulnerable. I haven’t even been able to see her since the lockdown began although I will get to visit her soon although I won’t be able to hug her. Very strange times we’re living in.
I have searched on this group for both parents and I saw that others had been through this. It’s scary! I never appreciated quite how scary all of this could be before.
I hope all that read this are doing ok, looking after themselves and have people for support. I’ve already realised how much you need others to support you when something like this happens. Much love.
J.
Hi @jnbe13 and welcome to the best club we wish nobody ever needed.
It is hard for me to imagine your difficulty in dealing with separated parents who both seem to rely on you and I can understand why you felt it was not possible to "keep the secret" - I suspect really of course your mum knew you talk.
Prostrate cancer can be really slow growing and often "treatment" is just watch-and-wait, so hopefully your dad will be in that position for some time to come. For your mother of course the not knowing bit is really hard - everyone here understands that and in your case having lost a friend to really aggressive bowel cancer it must be doubly frightening.
I am glad you came here though because we do understand because we have been where you are. I lost my dad after a long illness back in 2013 and then lost my mum out of the blue 5 weeks later. What was perhaps really good though was in the last years of both of their lives we managed to create so many special memories not least of their own childhood - my dad in particular was remarkable given his childhood and what he archived in his life.
Do post whenever you feel the need, someone will always be here.
<<hugs>>
Steve
