Hi all,
It's been 2 weeks since my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer. It's completely shook me up. I am a mother of a toddler myself and extremely close to my mom. I am struggling with so many emotions and I really don't know how to deal with them. I'm angry at the world for this happening to us, I'm bitter about the fact this has been put on our family, we are not ready for this. My mom is the back bone of our family. I'm unbelievably sad, I am drained from so much crying. Its all so difficult to deal with. I feel very overwhelmed. I feel as though I have 2 personalities at the moment; the one I am around my mom trying to keep positive and keep spirits up and the one when I walk in the door, exhausted from being the other personality. I now can't see mom for 18 weeks due to shielding because of covid, and I'm devastated, and also bitter about the fact covid is snatching so much time away from us being with her.
I have amazing friends, a really amazing supportive partner and my dad and brother are fab too, but I'm carrying the emotional load here, wearing my heart on my sleeve, my brother doesn't deal with stress well and his way of coping is to say nothing. As the oldest sibling, I carry the worry so much more, for him and for me.
Mom's diagnosis came very much out of the blue as there was no signs or anything of her feelings unwell so to be dealt the hand of 'they found a tumour, to cancer to terminal' all within 2 weeks, it's been extremely intense.
I'm going on a 10 day break to visit In laws in a few days to which I feel guilty for going but mom is forcing me still to go and I'm terrified return to see what she will be like when I'm back. Doctors told her she will lose her hair within 2 weeks of starting chemo which she started on Thursday. It's all just happening very quick and I'm not ready for any of it!
I feel like I'm going to be sad and broken forever!! X
