Hi all
My dad was told his neuroendocrine tumours has developed as mets at the start of lockdown. Initially I was coping well. But now he’s about to start treatment I’m starting to really struggle.
I used to work in oncology trials and so I perhaps understand too much. I still work within the NHS and am proud to do so. And I often feel trapped between my parents wanting first class care and knowing how stretched resources are.
this week has been particularly hard because my mum is clearly very stressed by the whole thing but believes taking a positive approach to things is the way forward. That’s caused us to argue and make up.
she also doesn’t know how much of her life she can get back as he should be sheilding.
My dad is very scared about starting treatment and had issues getting his everolimus from the hospital. He called me asking what to do. I feel incredibly helpless. I don’t know who to turn to or what to say.
Im 31 and live alone which is also difficult particularly during lockdown.
does anyone have any advice?
sarah
Hi Sarah,
It is very common for health professionals, especially those who work with cancer, to struggle when it comes knocking on their door; you are in some ways so right that perhaps you know too much.
Perhaps it might be helpful for you to look at Looking after someone with cancer especially the bits around the emotional impacts on us.
With my wife's cancer I managed to a point - then I broke and then got help. I did a living with less stress course that taught me to appreciate what I have and also conscious breathing skills that both helped me relax but also deal with the unexpected surprises that life still chooses to throw our way.
Sometimes people find it difficult to discuss cancer issues with friends and family, I know in the past I had problems with not wanting to say the wrong thing and often end up saying nothing or trying to close down the conversation. Do come here whenever you need but if it might help to talk to someone on the phone then please call the helpline 0800 808 0000, it is open 8am-8pm 7 days a week. The helpline might also be able to help your mum and dad to in looking at questions that they might want to ask their oncology team.
<<hugs>>
Steve
Hi Sarah,
The course I did was run by Maggies and was good in that we were all carers dealing with cancer though our experiences were a different too. Carers UK provide support for all carers and here you can see some advice about dealing with stress (and what happens if we don't).
If you search for mindfulness training that can be very helpful and is quite widely offered. On our site their there you can download a mp3 on calm breathing exercises and there are apps that can be downloaded for phones too ( I have Chill Panda from the NHS ).
Most employers also offer some kind of employee assistance or welfare service - they can help too.
<<hugs>>
Steve
