Hi I'm new here. My 80 year old uncle was diagnosed with lung cancer almost 2 weeks ago. He wont be having treatment due to his age and his memory. They told us chemotherapy would probably do more harm than good. Anyway me and my mum were caring for him before all the lockdown.my mum is having to shield with my dad (his brother) so it's now just me and I'm a little overwhelmed with it all I keep having little wobbles. My husband helps when he can. We have 4 children so it's a bit more added stress. Suppose I just want to get things off my chest a little. I've got people saying I need to get power of attorney and he needs to make a will. And just general things it's all making my head spin. I'm doing my best to care for him I batch cook meals for him (he lives alone and 10 mins away from me) clean for him too.I go once or twice a day to help him out or just chat. We have no idea how long or at what stage hes at as I'd forgotten a lot of the appointment (video call with doctor) hes more wobbly on his legs the past few weeks so I sourced a Zimmer for him. I just feel a little out of my depth at the minute. People say they are there for u but in reality I feel alone.sorry for the long post.
Hi Cheryl and welcome to the community though sorry to hear about your uncle and the effect it is having on you. Perhaps the first and most important point to note is that being out of your depth at this point means you are perfectly normal, even advanced on some people as you came here.
From what you say it sounds like your dad is in a reasonable condition at the moment, living on his own and with you cooking meals for him - many people at 80 rely on some kind of external support and many get more wobbly. My mum managed to fall and break her hip and ended up being in hospital for about 6 months.
My parents had made power of attorney and it was really helpful when my dad had a number of seizures as it meant my sister could help make the medical decisions to look after him as well as look after the finances for my mum, you can read more about them here, but perhaps a good way of looking at them is as a kind of insurance. Again making a will is a good idea because then people will know they are doing what he wanted rather than trying to guess, again you can read more here. Can I ask too if you have a will, you say you have 4 children and it can be really useful as insurance for them too. As my wife has cancer we asked my son at one point if he had any worries, he asked what would happen to him if I died too and fortunately we had agreed he would be taken in by my brother-in-law and his family who he really likes and that made him happy.
My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer at her autopsy but it was not the cause of death so hopefully your uncle will be around a good while yet and things will get a little more back to normal. One of the really good things we did with mum and dad was to share memories, especially looking through old photo albums and learning more about their life before us children came along.
Do post on here whenever you feel the need, we truly do understand and we have some real experience we hope can help.
Finally, be kind to yourself, you are doing a fantastic job and when you need it there is help out there.
<<hugs>>
Steve
