Dad has terminal lung cancer

FormerMember over 5 years ago

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For months I’ve been trying to figure out the emotions which eventually led me here, I guess to hear how other people are managing to cope on top of everything else in the world. Not long before Coronavirus I was told my dad had about 6 months left which came as a total shock as weeks before we were told the cancer in his lungs had shrunk and they were pleased with how it had progressed. Long story short they were wrong. So we got dad home and tried to figure out a new normal for everyone (him especially) then along came lockdown. Dads only escape was a nip to the pub with pals and now he can’t even have that. My question is how are people coping with all this on top of already losing a family member? Knowing my dad can’t even have that small happiness of seeing his friend or even my children which only video him for his own safety, well today dad got very upset because he’s worried he won’t see them again before all this is over. I’m only young myself and trying to figure this out and I’m trying to be as strong as he is ( he’s been the most consistently strong person throughout my whole life and I’ve never thanked him for it more because he’s holding it together for everyone) the bond we have with him is unbelievable and I just can’t imagine living a life he isn’t a part of nevermind with the world already being upside down, I don’t really mention much of this to him as the thought of upsetting him with it breaks my heart, he just wants to know we will be okay when he leaves us and I have no idea how to even start being okay

FormerMember over 5 years ago

Dear H2Oen

It is so difficult is'nt it, to try and figure out ones way through the emotions that you have been grappling with the last few months with your dads diagnosis. Which has been made so complex, for him, you and your family with the virus and lock down situation.

It is really positive that you are seeking support through sharing your situation having found your way to this forum to see how others are coping. So, I wanted to say well done for doing this, as I know somewhat how hard this is for you at the moment. As it is often in doing so, particularly at this time with the virus as it is, in unnaturally separating us from our loved ones and, our natural sense of self and need to care for them, to just be there for them. That the feelings of isolation can be somewhat understood through sharing and discussion, if not alleviated fully.

As, in the small actions of reaching out, the very real anxieties and fears that you have of what will happen when your father is not around anymore. How are you going to cope with your world being turned upside down, in a world that already does feel so upside down. These are very real fears and concerns for you right now.

It is very moving to read how much you want him just to be happy and recognize his simple need to just want to enjoy some time with his pals at the pub in his last months. This virus feels very unfair how it is taking such simple things away that make us feel human. I am really sorry that this is the situation for you and your family, but if it makes it any easier to let you know that you are not alone in this feeling and, that maybe you can find some solace in knowing that. Sending you my sincerest thoughts and, wishes for the journey you are all on.

Graham

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