A worried wife

Hi @mexico04, welcome to the community though sorry to hear about your husband.

I see you also posted in the Liver group and people there will be in a better position to answer your more specific questions around Liver cancer, my wife's cancer is quite different but we have been living with cancer for over 6 years now. 

My wife appears to be indestructible, she has been through so much and continues to amaze the oncologists. I really struggled, especially with the unknown but did a living with less stress course with Maggies that really helped me. We have really learned to appreciate what we have and take things as the come. Some of the mindfulness exercises can be really helpful. One of our friends in particular was a real rock when times got rough.

People sometimes talk about cancer like being a tsunami, the emotional effects on the people around the patient can be really overwhelming and some people just seem to ignore it because they do not know how to deal. It might be helpful for you to look at our pages on looking after with someone with cancer and come here whenever you need.

<<hugs>>

Steve

So sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis and how very tough it is for both of you.  I wish I had some answers for you, but hope I can offer a little support having lived with cancer myself and supported my mom through 6 months from diagnosis to her death, and from my experience now of caring for my younger sister who is terminally ill.  Two things that occur to me from what you've said - please ignore if not any use......!  Here goes:

First, as a talker, you do need to keep talking and it's great you're reach out to do so virtually through our community and I hope you can find others to talk openly to.  I know my husband struggled when I was going through cancer and, because he's a talker too, I had to encourage him to tell friends what was happening and how hard it was for him - even though I didn't particularly want to talk much myself.  I think it can be particularly hard for partners who think they need to be strong for us, or who think the focus should all be on the person with cancer, but please do what you need to do to keep your head above water.

The second thing I wondered about is whether you can nudge your husband in the direction of places he might find support and help even if he doesn't want to talk.  Someone suggested to me to use whatever ways a family member I was worried about usually communicates and gets info.  In his case it was online, so she suggested I found some good websites, bookmark them, and tell him where to find them if / when he needed information.  It's hard to ask for help, and when I was struggling with my own cancer I found it a big relief to see websites or communities which spoke openly about how hard it can be and where to get help.

Take good care of yourself x

So sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis and how very tough it is for both of you.  I wish I had some answers for you, but hope I can offer a little support having lived with cancer myself and supported my mom through 6 months from diagnosis to her death, and from my experience now of caring for my younger sister who is terminally ill.  Two things that occur to me from what you've said - please ignore if not any use......!  Here goes:

First, as a talker, you do need to keep talking and it's great you're reach out to do so virtually through our community and I hope you can find others to talk openly to.  I know my husband struggled when I was going through cancer and, because he's a talker too, I had to encourage him to tell friends what was happening and how hard it was for him - even though I didn't particularly want to talk much myself.  I think it can be particularly hard for partners who think they need to be strong for us, or who think the focus should all be on the person with cancer, but please do what you need to do to keep your head above water.

The second thing I wondered about is whether you can nudge your husband in the direction of places he might find support and help even if he doesn't want to talk.  Someone suggested to me to use whatever ways a family member I was worried about usually communicates and gets info.  In his case it was online, so she suggested I found some good websites, bookmark them, and tell him where to find them if / when he needed information.  It's hard to ask for help, and when I was struggling with my own cancer I found it a big relief to see websites or communities which spoke openly about how hard it can be and where to get help.

Take good care of yourself x