Feeling numb

Dear

i am sorry to hear of your friends terminal diagnosis but heartened to read she has such a loyal and loving friend which will be an enormous source of comfort to her. The most important thing now is to treat your friend as normally as possible as this will be an antidote to what I would imagine is a lot of time spent attending hospital appointments. although you live far apart I would make an extra special effort if possible to see her in person, perhaps meeting at a half way point if long distances are involved. As for feeling numb, the hard truth is you can only cry so much before the tears dry up, but that doesn’t mean you have stopped caring but you know that to be of any use to your dear friend you will have to develop a degree of stoicism as this journey you are on together may last for quite a long time. 

Dear JoanJoannie

So sorry to hear your sad news, my best friend and I lived far apart but spoke online every day.I completely understand that numbness and how alien everything feels. He was diagnosed with cancer and fought bravely for 3 years, then recieved a terminal diagnosis in December 2018.

 Sometimes my friend wanted to talk and sometimes he just wanted that online window to escape to and be 'normal' and on other days they would just say hi and sorry they were too tired to talk and just wanted to sleep. 

Some of the numbness is a normal reaction to grief and sometimes that process of mainly communicating online makes it seem harder to have those easier texting chats. Sometimes we just started our chats with a song link just easier to frame how we were feeling that day.

My friend and I had become friends through gaming and had known each other for over 10 years by the time he passed. My family were close to him also and his passing affected us all deeply. In the weeks before he passed I was lucky in that my husband and myself went to visit him. 

If there is one word of advice I could offer is that you have discussed that somehow you will be notified via one of their relatives or friends closer by. I sadly discovered my friends passing via Facebook and that hit hard.

I hope some of what I have said is helpful and relatable.

It's ok to feel numb and all the other things you feel.

SD