This is a hard one as my mum and dad stopped talking to me 3 years ago... long story but I was told two weeks ago he had lung cancer. I was numb so I decided to be the adult and go and see him. Initially when he opened the door he looked so happy to see me but then refused to let me I and shut the door. I have found out today that his hospital results have come back and he has two months to live. I don’t even know what emotions I have , what to do or what I need to do.
Hi
You haven't mentioned what it is that made your parents stop talking to you 3 years ago and naturally I don't want to pry.
You have made the first step by trying to see him and the fact initially he looked happy to see you is progress of sorts. I wonder if you could try an 'old fashioned' letter to your Dad (and Mum) to try and discuss/put to bed the issue that caused the problems and then carry on to say how you are so upset to hear of your Dad being so ill and that you would like to mend bridges and support your Dad.
With the diagnosis (if your Mum and Dad are still together) then she will be struggling to cope with the thought of losing him, so she will want to avoid any more emotion and your Dad naturally will need his energy to cope with what is to come. If you stress that you don't want to create problems or rehash old issues but just want to be there and support your Dad (and Mum?) in the coming months. If it was something you did, you can say sorry in the letter, if it wasn't then, you can use the phrase "I am sorry that you feel ...... " The word sorry is very good for mending bridges and if it wasn't your fault then you aren't apologising for the issue, but for how he feels about the issue. If what you are saying is in black and white, he can sit and read it without having any pressure on him and can re-read as necessary and then come to a decision on whether to see you or not. By going to his door, he had to make an on the spot decision and unfortunately it wasn't the decision you wanted. It may be that he regrets that, but by writing a letter and perhaps offering to come round again on a certain date and providing a phone number, you will be reaching out and giving him the opportunity to ring you to stop you coming round. If he doesn't ring, then that doesn't necessarily mean he wants to see you, but at least it's not a definite no and you can try going to see him again when he's not so shocked to see you.
You can but try and then if he still refuses to see you, you will have to abide by his wishes knowing that you have done your best to heal the wounds between you.
Kindest wishes,
