Inoperable pancreatic cancer

Hi and welcome to the community though so sorry to hear about your dad. Your shock in that is really very common and it can be very hard to work out our own emotions.

We have some pages here I'm looking after someone with cancer that can help to focus our emotions and then often take a lead from your dad on what he needs.

You are of course welcome to post on here any time and if you might find a face-to-face meeting helpful you can use our tool in your area where you enter your post code (or the hospitals) to find support groups near you. If there is a Maggies near you they are very highly regarded. You are also welcome to phone the helpline here if you need to talk.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi,

I'm not in the same situation as you, but when my dad was diagnosed, he later told us his biggest fear was not of dying, but of leaving us behind i.e. it's his job to look after us (my mum, sister, and I, and granddaughter), even though my sister and I are 44 and 47!

It is so difficult know what to say, how, and when, and perhaps shouldn't be pushed. I know I wanted to hold my dad's hand as I  told him how much I loved him, what a great dad he is, how lucky I've been etc.

As a family we found talking about practicalities and appointments and action useful in the early days, it gave us a focus, and a sense of control at a time when let's face, you really don't have any. 

You'll know whether any of that relates to your dad/family, and remember everyone is still reeling and perhaps unable to talk because they don't even know what they're thinking.

If you need to talk, post here, use services, I know I wanted to talk about it, feelings, actions, things I'd found out and was very much shushed, and I felt my needs were not being met, I didn't get the support and connection I needed (and yes, I really do know it's not about me!). So, anything you think and feel is valid, talk elsewhere if you need to, and try and be patient, things will hopefully happen gradually within your family x

Hi Pobbleobbles

Im new to this too and in exactly the same situation. My Dad went in hospital last week feeling sick and two days later told he had cancer and too weak for any treatment. Given 3-6 months. I’m devastated. I always saw him every day. Still do but at the hospital. He gets upset at things he will miss out on and it’s heartbreaking. He’s desperate to come home but they won’t let him out yet and every day he has deteriorated. I don’t know how to cope. I feel so sorry for him and the mental torture he must be going through. I wish he wasn’t aware. Every night we leave the hospital is so hard. Wondering if it will be the last time and he gets so upset it breaks me. I feel like I’m doing everything in a daze and can tear up anywhere. I know this doesn’t help your situation but thought I’d say I know exactly how u feel. I never thought grief could give you physical pain but I feel like I’m being punched  in the stomach it hurts so much and waking up every morning it hits me like a brick. Take care of yourself and your family x