New to group

Hi

Sorry to read about your sister and seeing you joining the club no one ever expects to sign up for :-/

Being a nurse is a great caring profession but as you are finding when it comes closer to home it gets up close and personal. Fear, anger, mental fatigue and everything in-between is so totally normal.

When someone has cancer, it can affect the whole family. All families are different and each family will respond differently when someone is diagnosed with cancer. It’s important to talk to each other honestly about how you feel. Not talking can cause tension. Family can be a strong source of emotional support. Talking to each other about what’s happening can be an important way to help you all cope.

How is your sisters treatment regime panning out - Will she need chemo for example or are you all still waiting on the pathology report results ?

How are you in yourself - Any other breast, ovarian or male prostate/breast cancer within the family history you are aware of ? Just thinking aloud about the chances of BRCA1/2 involvement... and the possibility of testing for this at some time.

Hope this is of some help at a tough time, G n' J

hi

welcome to the online community, sorry you've had to come and find us

it's a grieving process, although someone said it's when anything changes.

Shock, disbelief, denial, anger, sadness, bargaining then acceptance. 

Some say five but I'm including all these and there's probably more.

I got stuck in anger for a while but looking back I now know what caused that and I'm still furious about it.

In fact, I'm going to add frustration to that list because that's what family members feel, I was glad that I was the one getting treatment as I wouldn't have coped seeing any of my kids being ill but thinking back to other family members, my mother was ill for around five years getting progressively worse but my brother dealt with it daily and my uncle declined gradually but they were both older, 34 is very young to have to face breast cancer and 29 is too young to accept your sister is having to deal with it.

You say you can't cope but as soon as you've said it out loud a small amount of the weight lifts. A problem shared is a problem halved.

Does she want to talk about it, has she confided in you about how she is feeling?

Carolyn

xxx

Hi Lucieclaire welcome to the forum .

Shock is nothing new when this beast strikes. It happens to others and not to you and that;s what we all think until it comes to visit us and invades our lives.

Being a nurse doesn't equip you for dealing with this any more than any other person because as nurses we do to others and then we go home and it doesn't affect our own family and we thank god for that, often.

However, when it does, it knocks us sideways and sometimes and Im sure that you will have heard this saying  "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing". If I have one piece of advice for you it is to  stay away from GOOGLE.  It is unreliable and not individualised enough and will end up scaring you more than is needed.

The best bit of help I can offer is go with the flow and  be there for your sister as and when she needs you to be and listen when she wants to talk and don't push it when she doesn't she will guide you in the only way she knows how at this time.

There isn't  a right way or wrong way to deal with any of this and you will find the best way for you to get through but right now it is shock which is the feeling and little wonder, but that will pass and practicalities will kick in .

Don't beat yourself up and if you want to have a cry just do that because its ok to do that.

Meantime Im sending some huge big hugs your way for now. xxx

Thank you for your reply. 
She will start radiotherapy soon then Chemotherapy. 
I have been told I Will have to have genetics testing. No direct links in family but distant relatives have had bread cancers. 
I’m off work until new year as all got abit much. Yes definitely going through the motions of emotions! 

thanks for your message.

lucie 

Hi 

I am a nurse too and my husband has lung cancer. Being a nurse has made it harder as I want to know details and why things are being done! There have been mistakes in his diagnosis and some of his care has been frankly poor! The staff seem to be pretty defensive that I am a nurse! I think that some of them have a lack of knowledge and as a carer they have no idea ! I have found it a very much get on with it attitude!!!

We have finally sussed the chemo after two rounds and now have the meds to deal with the side effects. Don't be hard on yourself, it is not your speciality! I am an orthopedic, practice and respiratory nurse but not a palliative nurse. Fortunately my best friend is and has been invaluable! 

Take care. Here if you need to rant xxx