Coping with Mum having incurable cancer

Bless your heart darling. You and your mum sound so strong and brave, you’ve all been dealing with this such a long time. I’m wondering do you have support for you? It’s one day at a time and looking after yourself the best you can really isn’t it, I know you know that. It’s great that her oncologist still has treatments up his sleeve but I know how you feel watching a loved one go through this. It’s natural to lose hope - just try to stay present & try not to spiral off into anxiety about the future. That’s what I do anyway. Definitely one day at a time xx

Hi Lauren,

I am so sorry to hear about your mum. I am going through a very similar journey.

My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple of years ago and just before Christmas we found out that it had metastasized to her lungs, liver and bone. She has had five of her first six chemo sessions and her bloods are indicating that the tumours have decreased, which is great, however, she has lost so much weight, hardly eats and is still in quite a bit of pain.

She has been drinking a lot of fluids and sometimes has those milkshake drinks the doctor prescribes but I feel like I am just watching her waste away. The consultant said it was normal for people with this diagnosis not to each much and didn't seem too concerned.

She is one of the strongest women I have in my life however she has suffered with sepsis twice and seeing her at her worse is all new to me, I feel so helpless. I'm also angry, not at anyone in particular, just angry at the situation. This is the first time I have ever written anything in an online community so have no idea what to ask, write or expect.

I feel so guilty that she is just sitting at home on her own whilst life just carries on. It breaks my heart to think she may not see my niece grow up and do all the lovely things she wanted to do at retirement (she is 60 this year).

She was a single parent to me and my brother and although drank quite a bit, she worked so hard to provide for us. She managed to buy her own house, marry a lovely man and had all these plans, now I just look at her and want to cry all the time because I know its likely she will never end up doing any of it.

I feel like I just want to be around her all the time, whilst trying to juggle a stressful job and its soooo draining. I feel guilty for saying I feel drained when she must be going through hell and back.

I have to remind myself that life isn't always fair, there are always others much more worse off than us and that there are others going through the same. It doesn't take away the hurt but it does make me feel less alone (selfish I know).

I just have to take each day as it comes, some days are harder to cope with it all but others are better, I feel like its a bit of a waiting game atm as we have no idea how long she has but all any of us can do is be there for them, laugh with them, cry with them and spend as much time as possible with them.

Sending lots of hugs to you both xxx