Advice about work and caring for mother in law

Welcome to the online community and to the  family and friends group I am so sorry to read about you trying to work and also care for you your mother in law.

Normally I would suggest that you repost onto our Ask a Work Support  Adviser group page but unfortunately I don't think that you would receive the information to help you by tomorrow. I would however suggest that you contact our telephone support team tomorrow morning on 0808 808 0000 just after 9 am if you can and ask to speak to the work support Adviser and explain your situation and ask for their advice.

Can I ask would you be classing yourself as a carer to your mother in law? The answer should be YES.

Your mother in law is classed as a dependent and gives you some rights under employment law (I must be honest when I say that I'm no expert in this subject) and you should be able to discuss with your employer either having flexible working arrangements but I assume this would be impossible as you are teacher as is asking to work from home but you can ask for unpaid leave

I have copied this from a Macmillan leaflet Your rights as a carer (full leaflet here) with may be of interest to you

Everyone in the UK has the right to take a reasonable amount of unpaid time off work to look after dependants in an emergency. This is called time off for dependants.

In England, Scotland and Wales, it is covered by:

• the Employment Rights Act 1996 (as amended by the Employment Relations Act 1999).

In Northern Ireland, the laws are:

• the Employment Rights (Northern Ireland) Order 1996
• the Employment Relations (Northern Ireland) Order 1999.

A dependant could be:

• a mother, father, son, daughter, spouse or civil partner
• anyone who lives with you, but is not a tenant, lodger, boarder or employee
• someone who would reasonably rely on you to help them if they become ill or need you to make care arrangements for them.

Possible emergencies can include:

• a breakdown in care arrangements (when someone who usually provides care cannot do it)
• the person you care for becomes more unwell or has an accident
• when you need to make longer-term care arrangements, for example when the person you are caring for needs more care.

You do not need to have been in your job for a certain amount of time before you can take time off work in an emergency. The law does not state how much time you can take – it will depend on the circumstances. You must tell your employer the reason you are absent as soon as possible after the emergency has happened, and how long you expect to be off work for.

Time off for dependants is likely to be unpaid, unless your employer’s policies say otherwise. Your employer may have a policy for other types of leave for carers, or may be open to discussing leave arrangements.

Some options could be:

• carers’ leave (paid or unpaid)
• compassionate leave
• borrowing holiday days from next year or buying additional days
• career breaks and sabbaticals (usually unpaid).

After reading the above and the full leaflet it should give you enough information for when you speak to a Work Support  Adviser  tomorrow to enable you to ask questions and get advice.

The number again is 0808 808 0000

Please do make the call after 9 am on Monday morning and get the answers to the questions you need.

You maybe interested to know that we have a very active  friendly and supportive Carers only forum group that you can join and ask questions of the members.

I hope you can work something out and you can give the care that your mother in law needs, would you mind keeping in touch and letting us know how you got on.

Ian

By clicking on any of the green text above will open up new pages for you to read.

Thank you for this. I will def phone tomorrow morning before I meet with hr. My main worry is that they feel my husband should care for her and not me. I am also not sure they will see my request as an emergency and so will want me to organise something else. Hopefully I will have a clearer understanding tomorrow morning, although I have just found out she may not be home tomorrow. My work want clarity but I'm not sure I can give it as everything is so changeable.

Thank you again though and I will let you know how it goes tomorrow. 

I may have been worrying over nothing. I spoke with hr yesterday and for the time being they have agreed to me going in to teach my exam classes and then coming home to sort out meds and appointments. This is really the best I could hope for as I won't feel like I'm letting anyone down. I am genuinely surprised they have been so accommodating. Especially as I phoned the number you mentioned and they told me there is very little in law regarding leave for carers. I think because I teach the children of staff for exams they are keen for me to not go sick and have realised that if they don't help me out now that may be my only opinion.

And you are right I don't really regard myself as a carer as I am not here all the time and am not giving any personal care, like baths etc, just meds, taxi service, bully, (when needed) and daughter in law. 

Thank you again. 

Hi Ameleon,

i'm so sorry to hear about your mother in law, and i completely understand how difficult it is to look after someone with cancer. My grandmother was diagnosed with lung cancer and became extremely weak after a period of time. Me and my brother were her only grandchildren and my mum was constantly taking time off work to look after her. It became really hard to find the time as my work was so demanding and i would only be able to help out on some evenings and weekends. and some of the stuff we had to do, like bathe her and making sure she's eating properly, started to become even harder to do because she was so weak physically. We wanted to give her the best help possible, but as time went on, we realised we couldn't cope. We actually got a carer to come to the house to help out, and honestly having her was so helpful for me and my family. We got someone to come in for only a 3 days a week, so we did not rely purely on her care, but it really was a massive weight lifted off our shoulders. She was amazing! and so professional!! She helped out with everything, feeding, bathing, changing my grandmothers clothes, making sure she was taking her medicine. not long after she started, she already got the hang what needed to be done, and didn't need to ask us, she was always efficient and knew exactly what she was doing. 

We actually spoke to a few agencies like https://www.helpinghands.homecare.com/, https://www.guardiancarers.co.uk/ https://www.bluebirddcare.co.uk/ they were really helpful. we ended up going with guardian carers and we're so happy with the carer they gave us. maybe some of these agencies might be useful for you. I hope this helps