Dad doesn’t want to see me or talk about his terminal diagnosis

Hi and welcome to the online community, a place that no-one wants to be but circumstances have brought you to us and I'm pleased that you've reached out us.

I understand how emotional you are feeling about your dad's diagnosis and especially as he has decided not to have anymore treatment it is normal that he doesn't want to talk about it or say goodbye but that shouldn't stop you visiting him, even although it's all long drive, you and he don't have to talk about his illness your step mother is keeping you up to speed, but you can be with him and talk with him about the good things in your life and sharing moments of you growing up, depending on the circumstance he may like to share stories about your mum if it's not too painful and if he's sleeping no problem just sit with him hold his hand stroke his head let him know you are there and still love him.

I know very well what it's like to live far away from a parent and although my mum would tell me not to do it I would often drive the 400 miles to see her on a Friday night spend the weekend with her and drive back down on the Sunday night she told me off every time but she was pleased to see me and I never told her I was coming the first she knew that I was there was when I phoned her on the Saturday morning to ask her to open the door and let me in.

I suppose what I am suggesting is that you should make the journey without giving dad the opportunity to object and be with him I've no doubt that like my mum, you will be told off for going but he'll be pleased to see you and at the same time you can give your step mum some time off and you can have him all to yourself. Being sneaky you can slip questions into the conversation about how he is and he may just fall into the trap and speak to you about his illness.

You'll only regret not seeing him you are not a visitor you're his little girl and you need to see him as many times as you can, it is a difficult call to make do you respect his wishes or do you follow your gut instinct and go, I don't think there is much of a decision to make but I'm sure that you will make the right one and you'll follow your head and heart. I've no regrets about being with dad when he passed away in my arms not do I have any regrets about being with my mother in law when she passed or getting my wife's grandparents to my father in law's bedside as he passed my only regret is that I didn't make it before my mother passed away, don't have any regrets do what you think is right for you the 2 hour journey is not a long one but the one you don't want to make will seem even longer.

Keep coming back for a chat whenever you need to there's always someone around to listen to you, we all need each other at a time like this.

Ian

I want to apologise for bringing my story into yours but I thought it appropriate to share it with you and I hope that all who follow me will still make this about you and not bring my story into it, it's your thread and not mine.