I'm so confused.

Hi Bubbles3778,

It's very difficult to advise as we don't know the facts of your mum's illness any more than you do. However, I do wonder if the stage and grade have been mixed up somewhere along the line because breast cancer which has spread to the bones, known as secondary breast cancer, is stage 4. I wonder if the breast cancer is a grade 3, which would mean it's fast growing and fast spreading.

If it is indeed a stage 4, this does unfortunately mean it's incurable. However, and it's a big however, this doesn't necessarily mean it can't be tested, slowed down or temporarily stopped or  that you are going to lose your mum suddenly. The thing is, untill she is treated it would be difficult if not impossible to say what your mum's outlook is. It may be your mum isn't telling you everything because she wants to protect you or it could be because she simply doesn't know.

As parents, we found it almost impossible to tell our sons but chose to all the same. My mother on the other hand delayed telling my brother and me about her breast cancer because she didn't want to spoil Christmas. Needless to say we were upset she carried it with Dad for so long before telling us but I can see it from both sides of the coin.

I think, because you know she has cancer, it's important that you not pressure or confront her as she's under enough pressure already, but do make it clear to her that you're there for her and you'll help support her. What she'll need most from you is your love and emotional support. Help with chores (unasked) will also be useful during treatment. Assuming there aren't other people in the picture doing the chores already, that is. Try not to let it affect your life adversely - she may blame herself if it does, though it's nobody's fault.

She's probably afraid and I imagine you are too, so just being there with her and being there for her will be the best thing for both of you right now. I imagine she'll open up once she's more certain that she feels you can deal with it.

I hope this helps you, even if it's a little.

Wishing you and your family the very best.

Dom.