Support

Dipper,

hi an welcome to the community though sorry to hear about your dad, can I ask what kind of cancer he has and what knid of chemotherapy he is going to have, that will help to narrow down so many options and get a more targetted reply.

Well done for coming here though, the site can offer really great support because we are all in the same sort of position. I do really understand what you say about wanting to know all the details but it is worth remembering that all the information out there is based on averages and is often some years out of date not even his doctor knows exactly how your dad will respond to the treatment.

It might help you to look through I'm looking after someone with cancer, since certainly I found a need to fix me before I could give the best support to my wife.  I was lucky enough to get on a living with less stress course that really helped.

<<hugs>>

Steve

I’m sorry to read your post. My Dad (age 66) has terminal oesphagus cancer which has spread to his lungs, upper and lower spine too. I’ve been his main carer from the start. As a man that has lived on his own for 30 + years he can be very stubborn sometimes. He needed a doctor on Sunday and he just wouldn’t give in so in the end I just rang them, then he realised he did need them! Along with this he sufferes with COPD (a chronic lung condition) and depression and anxiety. He finds it hard to leave the house sometimes and has been stuck in since Saturday. (although this is mainly due to a chest infection) I won’t let my dad see me upset either. I have a sister but she is very emotional if I even mention it to her. We only lost my father in law last January so my husband is also still grieving and I find it hard to talk to him about my feelings. This is a very good site to talk about your feelings and you’ll nearly always find someone in the same boat as you.

i can’t really give you any advice on how to get your dad to ask questions as my dad was quite good at doing this himself. Have you got the contact details for his allocated nurse at the hospital?

take care 

Amy 

Hi Steve, he’s having a chemo called GemCap? Thank you for your kind words. I’ve been coping fairly well for quite a while now, just being his support, but I feel that now it’s hit me al of a sudden and I’m not coping well anymore.

Hi Dipper

I came across your post as it sounds like a similar situation to me and my Mum. She finds it difficult to take in and read information from the medical team so I am often summarising this for her, which does put pressure on me not to miss things out. I would firstly ask your Dad if he minds if you were to ask some questions on his behalf. He may welcome this if he doesn't feel able to do this himself. I think also you need to assess what you would be gaining from answers to these questions, and whether you really do need to know the answers. Ultimately, however upsetting it is for friends and family, we are not the ones with this dreadful disease- it is not our body and not our choice how it is dealt with.

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Are there others, other family members or friends that you may be able to speak to.As others have mentioned, you will find support on here and if you have a Maggie's centre near you I would highly recommend approaching them also.

All the best

Helen