If she's got a Macmillan nurse coming to the house is she dying soon ?

Both Macmillan nurses and Marie Curie nurses (with whom they are often confused) provide support to people with incurable cancers such as your aunt. In the case of Macmillan nurses, they also do a lot supporting people who have cancer who are NOT terminal and are well on the way towards being cured. So it's hard to make any conclusions about what the presence of a Mac nurse means - other than that your aunt is getting excellent, professional care and support.

This is your aunt's cancer and ultimately - as I see you already recognise - it's up to her how she handles it and what she tells people. It may be that she really does not have any plans to leave you any time soon and she's not hiding anything. It may also be that she convinces herself she'll be ok by trying to convince others - I'm sure we've all done things like that. We protect ourselves by protecting others. Whatever the case and the reasons, there is no malice at all on her part in telling you she's fine. Forcing her to face her mortality - and it may be that she does still have plenty of time, so please don't think I'm saying anything else - might make you feel a bit better but could destroy her peace of mind. It's a tough position you're both in

You say you feel guilt. There are many things in life that people feel guilty about. Many of those aren't things they should feel guilty about. If you feel bad that you're annoyed with your aunt for not being more open, then try to see that it's nothing to be guilty about. Your feelings are what they are and not something to generate guilt. Recognise instead that you love her dearly and try to focus on enjoying the time you have together and not beating yourself up for being annoyed that she's not confiding in you more. Respect that it's her choice to do that, not yours, and you really are absolved of feeling guilty for things you've not done and can't control. I'm sure you wouldn't want her to feel guilty for not telling you more - and she wouldn't want you to feel bad for her choices.

If you need a chat, please call the helpline. They're there for all sorts of things and more than happy to listen and help you to talk through your feelings. It might help you to see there's nothing to feel bad about and perhaps that will release you to make the most of your time with your aunt. The line is open 9 am to 8 pm Monday to Friday on 0808 808 0000 

Thank you so much for the reply . You're completely right It is her choices and I know that , I just worry that by her telling me all the time she just wants me to be happy she's carrying the burden alone but she's not alone her husband my uncle is wonderful . 

It's just heart breaking watching her deteriorate she's so lovely she never smoked drank she doesn't even swear and she still says now she's lucky . I just love her so much . 

Thank you for you're reply I feel better knowing Macmillan nurses don't just come when you're at the very end that's what was scaring me I thought this is it she's going to be gone in a few weeks I'll stop obsessing over that and try to continue visiting her as much as I can and trying to be "normal" and still tell her all my news and rabbit on like shes specifically asked me to do . 

Thank you again you've really helped me 

I'm sure you have made the right decision. People on this forum continuously ask what they can do for someone, am

No the only real answer is 'what they have asked for'.  So by maintaining your existing relationship with your aunt, you are doing exactly what she  wants. To think that there is some hidden agenda, and she really wants something else is pointless, and probably wrong.

Can I also suggest to you that your aunt may not be in denial, or afraid to discuss her condition, but that she may be one of the blessed few who are able to come to terms with their own mortality, and conquer fear.

You say that it is heartbreaking to watch her deteriorate, but it sounds as that is only physically, that her mind and her heart are as strong as ever. So the person you love is still with you, for you to continue to love.

Kind regards 

Niobe 

Thank you . We did just that we tried to not talk to her about the fact she was so sick and even up until the last weeks we had some lovely moments . She passed over about 8 weeks after speaking on here, in a Marie curie hospice  . With us all around her . 

Unfortunately I find myself back on here as 3 years later her husband our lovely uncle Brian is now faced with months left due to cancer . Life can be so cruel