Having a bad day

Sorry Elenium heartbreaking and exhausting.  

Probably they all "know" you'll be there for your Mum and maybe they're a bit in denial too?

I understand the melodramatic issue.   I've messaged my mum's closest sister many times about how bad things are. She has to be pushed to visit..when she does mum has been OK so probably thinks I'm exaggerating.  She was in denial. ..even quite recently asked how long mum had to have chemo for..when would she finish treatment.   Also until my sister started helping mum more she asked me to stop telling her how bad things were as it was making her stressed. 

At one time I was tempted to just go on holiday. .but only my parents would suffer..

Family meeting at your mum's or yours maybe. Confrontation awful...it might just help though?

I'm no good at that either.

Jx

Thanks Jenny.  

So much better if all work as a team. It's surprised me who is of help to us and who isn't. 

I'm at my flat today as actually going out..

I've worried what will happen if I'm ill too. I have a contact list in my purse. 

The truth is others would have to take over.

Jx

I wish we could work as a team. I just hope we can sort it without falling out.

It's good that you're going out.  Are you going to fireworks?

I was thinking of going out last night but couldn't face it.

I know the others would have to take over but I think they would probably stay for the shortest amount of time possible.

Bloody nightmare!

Hi Elenium,

I had planned to reply to you this morning, but instead Unzipped into town to pick up a memory foam mattress topper from Argos. With Alan spending more time n bed he was starting to find it hard to get comfy. We tested it out earlier & I didn't want to get up! 

I agree with Jenny! Time for some home truths, especially where your sister is concerned! Her getting stressed?? And what does she think it is for you, a walk n the park?? I've decided to be frank with Alan's family now. If he's having a bad day I tell them! When his son came down last week for his birthday his son confided to me that he found it difficult. I asked whether it was because of Alan's weight loss etc, or because of the history between them. He said both!! Poor Lamb!! Does he imagine it's easy for me to spend all my time with him? Watching him struggle to do something as simple as rolling over in the bath so he can get up more easily??!

It seems to happen in SO many families. One person gets stuck doing the donkey's share of the work, because the others "can't cope"! I've been tempted to use the phrase "Suck it up Buttercup" more than once! I'm slightly disabled after a motorbike crash in 2009, if I can manage why can't they?? 

If you think you're going to struggle to talk to them, write it down, & if necessary read from the paper.  You shouldn't be made to feel bad for simply telling the truth of the situation. Instead of asking "Could you help" try saying "I have my diary here, when can you come so I can do XYZ." If necessary don't feel guilty about making something up. Ive taken the Dentist's & the Vet's names in vain before now! I've found that helps sometimes. 

Big Hugs

Sue xx

Jenny,

Get in touch with Carers Trust. Once  you're registered with them, they can do a Carers Assessment. Plus you can also access a service that gives 72 hour emergency caring till you can get  something in place. 

Sue xx

Hi Sue,

I've already told them all how I feel.  I did a big thing on our WhatsApp chat a couple of weeks ago because I'm finding it very difficult.  Only one of my sisters has spoken to me about it.  My other sister and both my brothers have completely blanked it.  Neither of my brothers has been speaking to me since then.  I've posted a couple of things on our group that they need to know about mum and they haven't even acknowledged it..  Mum's got a hospital appointment on Tuesday and needs to have her bloods done on Monday,  The nurse is coming from 9.30 am onwards.  Even though I have told everyone that mum has asked if they can come at 9, because that's the worst part of the day for her, neither of my brothers make the effort or have even mentioned coming earlier.  So when I posted what time the nurse is coming I had no response for days until I actually asked if my brother could come earlier or did we need to make alternative arrangements. He said he would try.  So that's alright then...

I've been signed off work. I haven't told my brothers, because what would be be the point?  They'd just expect me to do even more.  One of my sisters is checking on me but the other has not commented at all, not even asked how I am. Not even when I was talking to her on the phone yesterday.  Don't you just love families???

I've also tried the "Can you do this day because I need to do...." and have been told no because they are busy.  So they get their lives and mine stays on hold indefinitely.

Sorry Sue, didn't mean to rant at you but I am very angry.  I know I have to let it go but it's so difficult.  I have to just accept it and get on with it, but I never thought they would be like this.

No apologies needed my dear. You need to be able to rant at someone, or you'd go nuts!! Something else I've learned the hard way.

I sometimes just have to say to myself that Karma happens!! I've learned to not feel guilty about smiling when something comes & bites them on the bum! Alan's son told me that on Wednesday a report at work that had to be ready on Friday was the wrong one!! I had an oh so slightly smug chuckle at that. Small victories I know but they make a difference. Or maybe I'm just the evil twin & find stuff like that funny! Lol

Hug Sue x

Thanks Sue.  :-)

My brother with mum so i had weekend off. Exhausted. She has taken dramatic downturn and says she just wants to die. Wont speak to me on the phone. I got paramedics there as she was so so sick. Shes had an injection for thd nausea. Im frantically trying to get work done to then just go and stay with her until the end. We are so close. Im scared if she us too cold to me that it will hurt forever. Im 55 but when i was 15 she attempted suicide, i found her and got ambulance and how she was then to me has stayed for 40 years. She is scared. Im only little girl in my head and can barely cry.