Having a bad day

Yes she as and we are seeing her on wed next week . The dr came and said they can up the morphine patch which will be the next step the nurse that’s staying with her at night can’t give her her tablets ! So mum said dad forgot to give them her and he went to bed . Can’t understand that she didn’t wake him ! Any way all sorted now she as started just laying with her eyes closed and she as said her mind is blank which is a good thing she as told me what funeral company she wants so that’s a start . My dear mom as I new her as gone and left this shell of a person laid in a bed . This is twice this as happened to her breast cancer 14 year ago the lung cancer is a separate cancer that’s started so the dr said it is just bad luck . X

The morphine patch was increased to 20mg she as taken a turn for the worse and told me that she is dying had a nightmare getting her on commode and a massive row with dad regarding her care . The st Luke should have come today and they didn’t come . When I rang them they had missed her of the list so they will come tomorrow. What is the next step for the pain it’s up to a 7 out of ten at the minute I was in tears seeing her suffer today and she said don’t cry this is so hard she is sleeping a lot 

Hi Michelley

My dear lady I have read your lastest posts on here and I had to catch my breathe, I have been where you are now and reading your posts have brought it all back for me. You are in the hardest part of your mums cancer journey, its hard for mum and its hard for you to watch. The only diffrence was my mum had no pain, I watched her with an eagle eye, where is the pain Michelley? my mum had lung,lymphnodes, liver, chest wall, abnornalities in blood and breasts, what mets does she have? Im asking because not all lung cancer has pain, lets talk, is it in her tummy? xxxxxx teresa

Hi Dinah may  she says the pain is in and around her kidneys but when I try to make her comfortable she says the pain is all over her body this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life I’ve been lucky . The st Luke’s are coming this afternoon and we have the pink card not sure what that means but we have a bag of drugs needles anti sickness etc all waiting and I think the time is now we need that . I feel like I’m in a dream and when she is gone I don’t know how I’m going to be as we was so close and I miss my old mom how she used to be . The shopping the girlie holidays we used to have. I don’t think we have much time left if I’m honest I just want her to pass peacefully but at the moment she is so agitated x

Aww I feel every word you've said X 

And I agree with you its the hardest thing you will ever do in your life, I felt the same. I said the same I felt I was in a nightmare that I couldnt wake up from, I wanted to wake up and tell my mum all about this awful dream I had. This a so hard for you and my heart is breaking for you.

If they are not already giving it they can give something for mums agitation, we tried three different  types of drugs truth be told none of them worked on my mum but its worth a try,  ask, if mums isnt getting them. The drugs you have are 'just incase' sorry for saying theses words 'end of life' drugs. They were used for my mum, when she could no longer tell us when she was in pain, at the very end of life mum slept more, to the stage that she slept more than being awake. Keep an eye on mum's bowel movements if she has problems having a poo this could give her pain. A registered nurse or district nurse can help you with this.

Anyways

I know how hard this is for you and remember no matter how agitated mum gets its the cancer talking and not your mum, if you fall out with your dad, well that can happen too because this is so very hard for both of you X  As for missing your old mum, your best friend, aww God thats the hardest. I am sending you the biggest hug you have ever had in your life, and I feel your pain with all of my heart. Look after yourself my lovely and stay strong xxx

Hi today is another day in this horrible existence I’m going up early today as dad has to go and have is leg dressed the infection is still in is leg and he is still on antibiotics. I had a word with the st Luke’s nurse and she said weeks maybe less looking at how she is . I just keep thinking is she scared what’s she thinking about I hope not 

I’m trying to stay strong I have had no more tears infront of her and I’m not going to argue with dad anymore he is 84 and it must be hard to see her like this they had there 60th wedding anniversary last. Nov and had a card from the queen she was so proud of it . 

I have to have a procedure on Monday morning I’m having the camera down and I’m anxious about that and what they going to find! Thank you for the lovely words you don’t know how much they mean to me . 

My husband says this is life and every body as to go through it he lost both is mom and dad they died cancer free and they had no pain so I do think it’s very different when u are watching some one shrink before your eyes and in so much pain but I don’t want that conversion with him other wise he is so good with everything else maybe a man of a few words lol . I’m taking my little dogs up with me today they make her smile when she sees them . Xx

Oh Michelley, it's horrible I know. I used to take my two little dogs to see mum too. One of them airways used to sit under her bed while we were there.

I was very close to my mum too. It is hard to watch them fade before your eyes but you will get though it. You have to be strong for your mum. Remember though that it's ok to give in sometimes. Make sure you have a little 'me' time.

It's the 2nd anniversary of my mum's passing this week. Finding it a little tough at times and feeling rather sad.

Sending you a big hug.

X

Hi elenium 2 years didn’t think it was that long things have changed yet again the patches as changed and she as stopped taking all her other medication don’t know why but nurses as said just leave them out . She as now bed sores on her bum . And they coming in and taking photos of it she said to me should they be doing that ! Also she said to me and my brother that it was a lot easier to die in olden days it made us all laugh it was a light hearted moment . 

My son and daughter in law came and took me out to the shops and I was kinda overwhelmed with everything to many people I need to try and get that sorted out I loved going shopping but not yesterday. 

They cooked us a lovely meal it was nice 

now back to it just getting ready to go up to sit with her for a few hrs hope she is as good as yesterday fingers crossed x

Just up at moms now and she had a bad night the night Carer had to ring the nurses out and they gave her an injection . I have given her some tablets and she is very agitated and panicky . The nurses have just been and they don’t seam to be concerned . But she is talking in her sleep having a conversation with god knows who . She as stopped all food and drink now it’s heartbreaking 

how long can this go on for it’s so sodding cruel 

Was told yesterday that mom was very poorly and she only has a days left . So she told us to say what we needed to say . I had no words will I regret it probably yes . She was waving her hands a. Out so I held them steady the st Luke’s nurse said she was plucking don’t know what that means . 

Mom once said to me before she got really poorly that how she looked at it that she was going on a holiday on her own she always had sense of humour 

i have not slept much last night just thinking my lovely mom is leaving me forever . I shall sit with her till the end x