Having a bad day

Sending you a big hug Michelley. It's shit, isn't it?

Have you tried talking to your other son? One of my brother's children didn't visit or text my mum and, although she didn't mention it, I know she was hurt over it. I know it's hard for him but he will regret it if he doesn't speak or visit her. 

X

Hi elenium yes I have now spoken to him and he is going to go up and see her at the weekend . I just feel that he should want to go and not have to be spoken to . But I guess what I have learnt from this thread is any thing is ok really we all deal with things differently. She is getting weaker every day and looks so frail we don’t have a timeline so no idea how long . This is shity . Dad is at the dr tomorrow he as a nasty infection I’m going to go with him just to see how bad this is . I’m doing everything for them both at the minute and running my house as well so I’m pretty tired but they need me and my brother more than anything. 

Hope you are ok and life is getting a little better for u x

Some people can't  deal with the reality.  If they don't  admit it then it's not real, I  suppose.  Sometimes you have to make them see. It's horrible to have regrets. Both my  brothers admit now that they could have made more of an effort to spend time with mum and they both regret it now.  That's a hard thing to live with. Your son will be glad once he's visited her and it will make her happy.

I hope your dad's infection is not as bad as you are expecting.

I know you are tired so please remember it is ok to give in for a bit and give yourself a break now and then.  Everyone needs time to just feel crappy and sorry for themselves.  Then you pick yourself up and get on with it.

Take care.

X

Dearest Yantibee - all these emails are now in SPAM so by chance I found this whilst filing. I did think of you all, mum has had her second anniversary and its no easier. I miss her more and more in some ways as its longer ago since I last saw her.  Thank goodenss for voice msgs I have saved , normally, hello my darling, its mum here..... I cant listen to them much as I just cry.  Something very sweet, my partner always gets me a birthday card or christmas card, one from him and one from my mum. I love it, he found one card called 'A message from heaven', she believed (me less so!). I look for signs she has visited me, a robin, a feather, a rainbow.... Our anniveraries are all falling around now, your darling Jill and Sue's partner and bob... horrible.  I wish you love and some laughter.  I am still in contact with Elenium and Jenny, well actually pretty much daily.  So, Yantibee, Sue, Bobles, and all the other readers, of which there were/are far more than i imagined.  Please know that wherever you are in your journey of pain and survival, you will cope, you will cope with love and understanding from all of us here.  The biggest warmest hugs to you all xxx

I went up to visit mom and dad today dad had cellulitis in is leg and the infection is getting better although the swelling is not . Mom looked so ill yesterday so I went to take the Christmas decorations down and I got so emotional and actually cried in the kitchen so dad couldn’t see me . I was thinking she is never going to see them again . I went up to see her in the bedroom she looked so frail and I asked her if she was ok and she said she had no energy at all today and she wished it would just all end . Well I couldn’t hold it no longer and I cried like a baby in her arms we both did that’s the first time it was such a sad moment but a beautiful moment as well . Then she did decide to come downstairs for a little while and sit with dad how long can this nightmare go on for her she can’t do nothing now with out the oxygen her chest is rattling and it’s so scary to see . 

Hugs to everyone x

Well an update mom as had st Luke’s go to see her  they are like McMillan she was lovely told mom about her morphine tablets could help with her oxygen levels . Dad is getting better thankfully . Alas mom isn’t . She told me the dr had said it’s weeks and not months left I was shocked . Any way the said dr rang today and I answered and I asked her and she said my mom was a very strong lady and she should only have weeks but she as gone on for at least a month all ready and I don’t think she looks like it’s just weeks she as some good colour but it’s dawned on me that could be jaundice with her liver tumour ! .the said son is now texting her and that’s made her happy . I’m having a melt down been to see my friend today who as just had a operation for bowel cancer and is left with a stoma . All this around me is sending me mad my life was so normal up to may last year then my whole world as fell apart . 

Hope every one has a peaceful evening 

Hello Michelley,

Unfortunately, it can get like that.  It just keeps piling on until you feel that you can't cope anymore.  You can cope, you have to. Maisiemae always says that you should record your mum's voice..  I didn't do that  and I wish I had.  Although I can still hear her in my head. I also cried with my mum one time.  I was trying so hard to be strong and to help her but she was being stubborn and saying she didn't want carers.  I was so tired.  I started to tell mum that I needed the help and the tears began to fall.  Sometimes it's OK not to be strong and to let your loved ones see how it really is.

Make the most of this time. Although I know that you will without me saying that.

Big hugs.

X.

 Hi elenium I have a video of her on a cross trainer in the park she was finding it hard to use and we was having a laugh so a couple of years ago before this nightmare began . She was not well today   and now as pain in her left side just above her waist . She is sleeping a lot . I really don’t know what to expect when the end is near what will happen to her will she know what’s happening hope some one can enlighten me !! 

Sending hugs to every one who needs it x

Been taking videos today of mom she was singing ha ha but she seems drunk today could that be the morphine! She seams very happy which is good she as been laughing which is good to see she is so thin but she did eat a chocolate eclair today and it was a pleasure to see her enjoy it . My son is moving away yes the said son he did go up to see her today and it was hard for him to see is nan so thin and frail he said she had really deteriorated since he had seen her last . Which was Christmas Day . 

Hugs to all x 

Hi Michelley,

I can tell you what it was like for my mum and father in law at the end . It was very similar. But do you want me to? Some people prefer not to know.  I think you will probably know anyway, when the time comes. 

I'm so glad your son went to see her. I know it's difficult for him but it means so much to her. My children went to visit mum a lot towards the end. They were glad that they had afterwards. 

It could have been the morphine that made your mum seem drunk. It's strong. Bet it was good to hear her laugh. 

Take care

X