Having a bad day

Hi elenium hope you are ok, it’s quite unbelievable that we don’t post or communicate on here so much anymore especially when it was our “safe place” to say what we needed to in our times of personal tragedy 

life has moved on so much it’s unreal really, I miss Jill still everyday and still talk to her asking for her advice especially where the boys are concerned. A wedding coming up next year in May , my youngest, an expected marriage proposal soon from the eldest to his girlfriend oh how proud she must be looking down on her beloved boys 

take care all of you out there hope you are all ok 

Dearest everyone. It must be in the air. My need to connect somewhere safe. I was just looking to see how to get on here as ive not visited in a long while... and there you were, E and Y very recently on here too. Im feeling lost and still utterly misshapen and very lonely. Somehow mum made me complete. Yantibee, your lovely lady lives on through your boys, delighted to hear there are imminent happys for you all. And T, of course you miss your dear mum. Loss is a physical, emotional and spiritual longing, it silently gnaws at me, depleting my positivity, stealing my faded but everpresent innocence, mother and child specialness. My void cannot be filled. A down day - not all days are the same. Its actually a relief to write here again. Moments like this allows me to enter the frame of reference of a self harmer and to slightly understand the relief from the feeling. Wish you all the very best now and always and speak again soon xxx

Dear zoe. Tough tough for you both but cake can often help, celebrating any milestone together seems a precious one. In the middle of the intensity of this thread i didnt consider others reading the unfolding of our lives - i hope our openness allowed others to do the same wherever they felt safe. Our friendship surpasses the physical connections and i can only imagine we are entwined in some way forever. I cant imagine not all being connected and felt a flood of relief writing again. Writing is clearly one of my coping mechanisms. Thankyou for sharing your voyeur status and welcome in as a whatever you feel will help xxxx

How are you coping kirk22? X

my friends, how you all? xxx

Elenium - soon it is 2 years ago that you started this hand holding thread which has meant so much to me, then, during and now. thankyou you special lady. If only we knew then what we now know, I would do some things differently but not many. Certainly I would have just moved in with mum, I will regret it forever, thats what she wanted, I didnt, but I did go there all the time, I was present with her in some way all the time, If anyone is reading this, before its the end just be with your loved one, however far it is, just go and be with them x

Hello, how strange ,

i was thinking of you all too.  Nearly 2 years as we alll know.sometimes it does still feel like only yesterday. How are you all doing? Xxx

This is a spooky thing - I no longer seem to get updates so I had a look on-line last week to see if there had been any recent activity.

I feel as if I know you although I have only really ever read but I longed to be able to help each and every one of you as you took those dreadful steps along the way.

I know my turn will come - who knows when - and I hope with all my heart that there will be someone as supportive and understanding as you have all been.

I wish you all peace, love & a future that holds whatever you wish for despite your losses.

Love & virtual hugs

Zoe

Zolily - nice that you were keeping up with us all, a couple of us have met up now, very precious. I do hope you are ok and I dont know your position but hope that we all helped in some way although at the time it wasnt my motivation, it was purely selfish as I was desparate, Ive long thought our words should be a film. Maybe just special for us but the backdrops were so different and interesting and who are we all, all very different people, similar situations, same loss but the real life story is also fascinating, sadly being played out all over the World. Love and virtual hugs back at you, MM x

Hi you special people, the clocks have gone back again oh how I wish the clock could go back so I could just see Andrew  hold my beloved Jill again! 

The time has passed so fast I can’t quite believe it’s almost 2 years , some days It feels like yesterday, regrets maisiemae ? Yes I have those too, seem to carry them round like a bag of bricks but I guess I did what I thought was best at the time, how do you know what’s right? You don’t but as you say for all you others out there going through the hell of it all just be with your mum,dad, wife, husband whoever it is......just be with them 

love to you all and elenium ,thank you for opening this window to me and thanks to you all for your support. I check in every now and again and think about you all , take care xx